A. Number one, You Do Not Need Your Husband/Wife
I know, I know, that doesn't sound like Christian counseling to me! Just hold on and keep pace. As I said before, a marriage is a game. Professional athletes take games seriously but with a relaxed attitude. Any sports coach will tell you that you cannot be at your best if you are uptight and thinking only about how you must win. The trick is to pay attention to your own performance and strive for your best. With God’s help anything is possible. Same thing with the marriage game, as long as you think that you cannot live without your husband/wife or, in other words, that you must win them over or that you really need them or that you will "lose them" when they leaves you, you cannot be relaxed enough to be able to win the game. Whatever you may say, I assure you that you do not NEED him/her. You are just fine the way you are although you may not feel that way now. You were born alone and you will die alone. Now, I understand that you WANT to be with your husband/wife and that you WISH your husband/wife were in love with you. So, having your husband/wife in your life is more of a want or a wish than what you really need. Do you see the difference? Once you are able to recognize and accept this fact, you will breathe easier, you will see the reality easier, you will not be so much in your head thinking about what should or should not be, and you will not be driving yourself crazy. So, the choice is yours: if you are going to insist that you need them, you will suffer. If you let go of your neediness, you will gain power.
Try another awareness exercise: In the course of everyday life ask yourself a question whenever you see or hear or think of something you think you need: "Do I really need it or would I merely like to have it or want it?" Notice when you start inventing 'reasons' for really needing something. There are actually VERY few things that you need and they are often connected to your very survival. Notice the difference between a want and a need.
I know, I know, that doesn't sound like Christian counseling to me! Just hold on and keep pace. As I said before, a marriage is a game. Professional athletes take games seriously but with a relaxed attitude. Any sports coach will tell you that you cannot be at your best if you are uptight and thinking only about how you must win. The trick is to pay attention to your own performance and strive for your best. With God’s help anything is possible. Same thing with the marriage game, as long as you think that you cannot live without your husband/wife or, in other words, that you must win them over or that you really need them or that you will "lose them" when they leaves you, you cannot be relaxed enough to be able to win the game. Whatever you may say, I assure you that you do not NEED him/her. You are just fine the way you are although you may not feel that way now. You were born alone and you will die alone. Now, I understand that you WANT to be with your husband/wife and that you WISH your husband/wife were in love with you. So, having your husband/wife in your life is more of a want or a wish than what you really need. Do you see the difference? Once you are able to recognize and accept this fact, you will breathe easier, you will see the reality easier, you will not be so much in your head thinking about what should or should not be, and you will not be driving yourself crazy. So, the choice is yours: if you are going to insist that you need them, you will suffer. If you let go of your neediness, you will gain power.
Try another awareness exercise: In the course of everyday life ask yourself a question whenever you see or hear or think of something you think you need: "Do I really need it or would I merely like to have it or want it?" Notice when you start inventing 'reasons' for really needing something. There are actually VERY few things that you need and they are often connected to your very survival. Notice the difference between a want and a need.
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