After you completed the last exercise, you might have noticed that certain things do not work because you cannot control the behavior of your husband/wife. No matter what you think, you cannot have control over the other person. You never have and you never will. Only by changing your own behavior (remember the one that so far has not worked) will cause them to change in the way you want them to, in the way that you can love them and that they can love you. In fact they are not going to "change,"they will only start exhibiting their "good" side: the one that has always been there, the one that you loved in the first place. So, like with any other teamwork, in this marriage recovery class you will focus on what YOU can do and who YOU can be in and for this marriage.
The first thing to realize is that a marriage is for the most part a game. Now, you may be resistant to the notion of playing any games whatsoever. The marriage for you should not be a game at all, but a natural outcome of the affection for each other or a similar notion. And, I cannot agree more. Nevertheless, the reality is that you have been playing a game all along even if you thought that you hadn't. You've only played it by the "rules" that you "invented." This is by no means a casual game, but a game nevertheless. The rules of the game in this daily class or post guarantee that THERE ARE NO LOSERS. WHEN YOU WIN, EVERYONE WINS. The only way you can lose is if you stop playing by the rules you're learning here, and start playing a different game, the game that you've always played – and lost.
More tomorrow, God Bless!
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