Challenge #20

So who gave in? What did you agree to do or allow your spouse to do? Did anyone give away some alone time? How about a vacation - anyone commit to going on vacation? Lol! I joke, but these simple things may be that little extra nudge in the right direction - that thing that your spouse desires from you that has been neglected over the years. Stay in tune with your spouse's desires. I can promise you - it's much more difficult to neglect the things that you are completely aware of than it is to neglect the things you are oblivious to.

Today's challenge is about selfishness. I started to write this one super early in the wee hours of the morning because it was weighing on my heart so heavily. How many times have you called your spouse selfish? How many times have you just thought it? I can admit that for myself, the number is innumerable. We call or think of our spouses as selfish for not doing the things that we want them to do or for not putting us first. The reality is that we are all guilty of this. We are all guilty of not putting our spouses first. Whether it's a little or a lot, it doesn't matter - we are guilty.

We justify this selfishness by telling ourselves things like, well my wife/husband doesn't put me first... or well, if he/she would just do this or that, then I would put him/her first. This method of reasoning is inherently flawed. We can NOT base our action (or inaction) on the actions (or inaction) of our spouse! We have to get out of this box people!!! We have to break the cycle. Otherwise, it will be neverending cycle of one selfish act after another.

So how do we do it? How do we break the cycle? We break the cycle through love. We behave unselfishly no matter what our spouse does or doesn't do. That is the essence of agape - unconditional love. Love that says I love you no matter what. Isn't that what we're all seeking? Isn't that what we all want? Someone to love us through good and bad, right or wrong, through ups and downs, no matter what??? If that's what you desire, why would you ever think that your spouse desires anything less? If that's what you desire, then how can you offer anything less to your spouse? Don't ask for anything more than what you yourself are willing to give. And if you're willing to give it, prove it. Show it. Right now. Stop waiting for your spouse to do "blank" and change "blank." If you want love from your spouse, give it away to them freely and without conditions.

Today's challenge is to repent of (turn away from) your selfishness. Admit to your spouse that you have been selfish, because we all have. There is not one among us who always does what is best for their spouse first. I wish there were, but the truth of the matter is that there is not. There are times when we try to, and there are times when we neglect to or just give up altogether. Confess this to your spouse, that you haven't always put them first or done what is in their best interest. But you are putting forth the effort to change this here and now - today. Ask their forgiveness and love them with the love that you so greatly desire to have.

1 Corinthians 7:3 instructs us to"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband." Benevolence is defined as a disposition (or prevailing tendency) to do good, acts of kindness, and a generous gift. This is what is due or owed to your spouse, simply because of their position as your spouse - who he/she is: your husband or wife. Don't neglect to fulfill this.