In this section we'll share writings by our pastor.
Who Makes the Decision in a Marriage?
The way I understand it is that two became one. The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church but the Church makes decisions everyday. We do consult Christ in those decisions that we're not sure about but He allows us to make our own decisions. Bible students have argued [this] question over the years without coming to an agreement.
[Here's] a copy of what we use in one session of pre-marital counseling. I personally believe this is God's will in the Marriage roles to create a balance that He purposed. As Christians, we must esteem the entire Word of God in order to understand it and obey it in biblical balance. You can't just take a passage of Scripture on Marriage without considering the entire Word of God.
God has given five basic principles for marriage that are to be obeyed, not because a husband or wife "feels like it," and not because the other person "deserves it," but because God commands obedience.
Practicing God's five principles for marriage means obeying God, loving God, and trusting God whether or not it is easy or "feels good."
A first one of these five biblical principles is given in Ephesians 5:22-24. God says that wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands "as unto the Lord," and they are to be subject to their husbands "in every thing."
If this one truth is accepted and practiced in a marriage, and an equally important truth is misunderstood, ignored, or rebelled against, that marriage falls short of God's will.
A second biblical truth is: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it" (Eph. 5:25).
To understand God's command that husbands love their wives, we must recognize that the word translated "love" is "agape."
Inserting the meaning of "agape," we paraphrase: "Husbands, each of you must dedicate yourself to your wife and to her good. You must purpose and do those things that are best for her, whether you like her or not, no matter how she treats you, even if it kills you, just as Christ dedicated Himself to the church and gave His life for it" (Eph. 5:25).
We can find further light on the husband's role in marriage by considering the thirteenth chapter of 1 Corinthians. As we read "charity" or "love" we need to understand that God is speaking of "agape" love.
Agape love does not seek its own--it is not selfish (1 Cor. 13:5). Instead, agape love is directed toward the good of the other person. Therefore, for a husband to love his wife in accordance with God's command in Ephesians 5:25, he must unselfishly dedicate himself to doing what is best for his wife.
Agape love is not puffed up--it is not proud (1 Cor. 13:4). A husband is not loving his wife as God has commanded him to do if he is so proud that he will not let his wife have a thought or an opinion that does not agree with his.
By commanding that the wife submit to her husband, God has placed on husbands the responsibility for all decisions.
Let's put the husband's leadership and the wife's submission in biblical balance:
1. God has given the husband the leadership role for the good of his wife, not as an excuse for him to be proud or selfish, and not as an excuse to treat her as a servant.
Some husbands do not seem to understand that yelling for food or beverage service while they are watching a sports event on TV and while their wives are scrubbing the kitchen floors on their hands and knees does not reflect biblical truth in balance.
2. God has not said the husband must, or should, make all decisions in his family. If a husband wants to please God, and if he loves his wife with agape love, he will delegate some decision making to her--she has brains too.
3. God has not said that the husband must make decisions without obtaining input from his wife--she has brains, too.
4. God has not said that the husband must make decisions according to his wishes, nor even according to his wisdom. Instead he must make decisions that are best for his wife.
If the husband is not proud, he will not think that he is always right--his wife has brains, too. If the husband is not proud, he will seek her input before making decisions-- she has brains, too.
If the husband is not selfish, he will not want his way, but instead will desire to please his wife.
God has not made him the leader in the family to feed his ego, or to satisfy his selfishness, but for her good.
5. If husband and wife disagree, if he is not proud, and if he is not selfish, he will be willing to go along with her ideas and her desires--unless it would hurt her or someone else spiritually, emotionally, or physically, or unless what she wants is prohibitively expensive.
6. However, again keeping biblical truth in balance, if she is not proud, and if she is not selfish, she will not think that she is always right, and she will not want her way.
7. If the wife considers the leadership role that God has given her husband, she will recognize that God wants to give her husband the insight and wisdom that he needs to lead the family--she will look to her husband for leadership.
8. Obeying God and loving his wife with agape love includes the husband assuming his God-given responsibilities and shielding his wife from emotional and physical loads that are too heavy for her.
9. If a husband understands God's Word in biblical balance, if he loves God, and if he loves his wife with agape love, he will not abdicate his God-given responsibilities to his wife, nor for rearing their children.
This far we have considered two biblical principles that God has given for marriage.
God has given the third and fourth principles of marriage in the first epistle of Peter. God says that husbands must live with their wives (3) "according to knowledge," (4) giving [them] honor" (1 Peter 3:7).
Living with wives "according to knowledge" is much more than treating them with consideration. Living with wives according to knowledge includes: a) creating an atmosphere in which, in absolute trust, they will reveal their thoughts and feelings; b) gaining understanding through listening; and c) doing what is best for them in accordance with knowledge.
If the husband wants to obey God, please Him, and show God that he loves Him, he will treat his wife with respect because God commands it. Treating wives with respect rules out jesting that degrades them personally, degrades wives or women in general, and/or that degrades marriage (an institution ordained of God).
The fifth biblical principle is: God commands wives to honor ["reverence" KJV] their husbands (Eph. 4:31).
Even though some translations of the Scriptures may give the erroneous idea that wives should have respect for their husbands, God does not command wives to respect their husbands, nor does He command husbands to respect their wives.
Respect must be earned. In all too many marriages, it is impossible for the wife to respect her husband, and in other marriages it is impossible for the husband to respect his wife.
Instead of commanding respect, God commands treating with respect. To honor means to treat with respect.
If the wife wants to obey God, please Him, and show God that she loves Him, she will treat her husband with respect, even if she is unable to respect him as a person, or respect his judgment.
How do these five principles relate to "being one?" Too often, when "two become one," there is a power-struggle to determine which "one" they will become. Will they become him? Or her?
Instead of a selfish and prideful fight for power, they should become "one" in their desire to please God, in their desire to serve Him, in their desire to fulfill their respective roles in marriage, and in their desire to help each other become more and more Christ-like.
Marriage can be likened to two trees. The husband should be like the oak tree. He is to be stronger, and he is to protect his wife from the winter winds. She is to be like the apple tree, not as strong but with a godly beauty, usefulness, and fragrance.
If two trees are too close together, they do not have limbs all of the way around. If a husband loves his wife biblically, he will give her opportunity, space, and encouragement to develop "limbs all of the way around."
If a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, he will allow her, give her opportunity, and encourage her, to develop as a godly and competent woman in the home, in the church, and in the community.
Proverbs 31:10-31 speaks of the wife of many virtues. This woman heard of a field that was for sale, she considered its worth, and she bought it (vs. 16). God commended this wife. What about the husband? Since God was pleased with her, she had not done this contrary to her husband's will. Instead, we can assume that he was encouraging her, and God was pleased with him, too.
There is a message for husbands. We read that "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land" (verse 23). Apparently, her reputation, and his reputation for his wisdom in using her skills and talents, had led him to a place of leadership in the community--he sat at the gate as one of the rulers.
If a man is wise, he will take his wife as a full partner and help her develop her talents. If he really loves her, as opposed to considering her as a possession to serve his every desire, he will dedicate himself to helping her develop as a godly woman.
Wives submit? If a husband is loving her as God intends him to love her, he will be so unselfishly and humbly dedicated to her good, and so considerate of God's will for her as well as her wishes, desires, and opinions, that she will hardly realize that she is in submission.
This is the beauty of biblical roles in marriage. If biblical truth is held in balance and practiced, the husband will be dedicated to doing good for her, and she will gratefully let him lead.
A Happy Marriage IS An Option
God Bless
Do You Remember the Good Times?
Do These Things Really Help?
1. Asking friends and family for advice – Scripture does say there is safety in many counselors (Proverbs 11:14), it also says talking too much lead to sin (Proverbs 10:19)
2. Trying to reason with your spouse
3. Promising him or her that you will change
4. Hoping or wishing the marriage will survive
5. Offering your spouse reassurance
6. Telling him or her that you love them
7. Trying to “work on” the marriage
I am not against Christian counseling but what if your spouse doesn't want to go, then what?
