Challenge #48

Did your spouse express interest in attending one or both of the marriage conferences? I encourage you to make it happen! Whether you make your plans together or plan on your own as a surprise for your spouse, I strongly encourage you to attend one or both events. You absolutely will NOT regret it! That being said onto today's challenge.

"I have no way of knowing whether or not [you] married the wrong [person], but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you."
                                                                      -Zig Ziglar, Courtship After Marriage

What insightful words! Many people often wonder if they married the "wrong person," I doubt there is anyone out there who hasn't at least allowed the thought to cross their mind at one time or another. The point is to be the right person. Be a wife that is easy to love. Be a husband that is easy to respect and submit to. When you focus on serving and pleasing spouse - being the best husband or wife you can be to them - your marriage will grow leaps and bounds!

Today's challenge is to express to your spouse that they are "the right person" through both your words and your actions. If you remember to do these two things from today's challenge: be the right person for your spouse and treat your spouse like the right person for you, you will see your marriage flourish.

The Art of Marriage

This past weekend, we attended The Art of Marriage conference. If you haven't heard of this, you can learn about the event from the links at the bottom of the page.

All I can say is WOW. As many of you know from following our blog, we had attended Family Life's Weekend to Remember several years ago and really enjoyed it as well as learned a great deal. I did not know what to expect from this much smaller event that would not consist of live presentations, but pre-recorded video sessions. I must say I am genuinely impressed! Whether your marriage is in a state of wedded bliss or in need of a massive overhaul, you can get it here!!! Attending this event is highly recommended for all married couples, regardless of age or length in the marriage. I was blown away by what the coordinators were able to accomplish in such a short amount of time. The presentations and handbooks are so well organized and I'm not ashamed to say that our marriage received a very nice tuneup through attending this event!

We had already made plans to attend another Weekend to Remember this coming April before deciding to attend the Art of Marriage. I questioned whether or not there was any point to doing both, but since attending the Art of Marriage, I have only even more so been looking forward to attending the upcoming Weekend to Remember!

Today's challenge is to check into The Art of Marriage and/or Weekend to Remember in your local area (or away if you prefer, make a vacation out of it - we sure did on our first trip!) and discuss attending one or both of these events with your spouse.

Here are the links!
The Art of Marriage
http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.6149579/k.C7DF/The_Art_of_Marriagesup174sup.htm

The Weekend to Remember
http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.5846045/k.8C0A/Weekend_to_Remember__Marriage_Getaway.htm

Weekend Challenge #6

Create and enjoy "Engedi" together!

Challenge #46

Hello everyone! I thought this was posted earlier this morning, but I guess not!
So here it is; please watch the short video below:



Today's challenge is to find out what "Engedi" is to your spouse.

Song of Solomon 1:14
My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi.

Challenge #45

For today's challenge, spend some alone time with your spouse, at least 30 minutes to an hour, distraction free. Turn off ALL distractions, especially those smart phones. There are few things more rude than when you're talking to someone and they are engrossed in their cell phone. The world will not end if you don't check your phone for an hour. Whatever you want to do for this hour is game. Be together.

Challenge #44

Marriage, much like life, is a roller coaster. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, mountain tops and valleys. I must say that we are extremely blessed to have been residing on a pretty massive mountain top here lately. When things are going well - you're getting along, you're communicating, you're serving eachother, you're enjoying eachother - marriage, and life it seems, is all that it should be. Don't take these times for granted. Don't gloss over them, savor them. Thank God for them. Because before you know it, you and your spouse will reach another valley in which you will have to work hard - and work hard together - to reach that mountain top again. It's life. And it's inevitable. I don't say this to discourage any of you. I say this to encourage you. Enjoy those peak experiences. And remember them when times get hard because they will. Strive to grow closer to God and closer to your spouse daily - always. Don't be shocked when things happen, that's what life is about: going through trials and persevering. This is why we have been discussing marriage building the last few days. You want your marriage to stand the test of time through trials and heartache and anything else that will be thrown at you in this life - you want your marriage to endure. Recently our pastors have said this quite frequently: Strong marriages make strong families. And strong families make a strong church. Strengthen and nurture your marriage in all aspects possible.

Today's challenge is two-fold. Express to your spouse how grateful you are to be on this journey with them and assure them that there is no one that you would rather share your life with.

Challenge #43

Gooooood morning everyone!!!

Straight away into yesterday's follow up. Much like a house, marriage is something that you build with your spouse. You determine what type of foundation it is built upon, and what will be used to make it stand. Everything about it is determined by you and your spouse: the structure, what goes into it, and especially how much time and effort is dedicated to ensuring its strength and security. I've heard many times, in many ways that whatever you invest in: whatever you put your time, your money, your effort into - those are the things that are important to you. I encourage you all to invest in your marriages. Put your time, your money, your effort into your marriage. Put your determination in, put willingness in, put in sacrifice and selflessness. But most MOST MOST importantly, you have to have a solid foundation. Your marriage, like a house, has to be built on the rock, not on shaky ground or sinking sand.

Think of the great pyramids. How were they built so large and so high and why are they still around today? Because of their huge, massive foundations. Can we learn nothing from The Three Little Pigs? I think we can. So what is "the rock" that marriage must be built on? It is God. I've heard it said and it is true: the absolute best thing that you could ever do for your marriage is to become a devoted follower of Jesus. Why? Why is that? Because God has already shown us how to love. He has already demonstrated His love for us through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. To love unconditionally and self-sacrificially takes the Spirit of God. We are not able to do this without His help. We may feign it for a short time on our own, but there is no way that we could maintain such stamina for the long term without God. Learning to love God will teach you to love your spouse. It is His love within you that will love an imperfect person like your spouse.

"Jesus said it was to our advantage that he go to the Father, because he would send God's Holy Spirit (the "Helper" or "Comforter," the Third Person of the Trinity) to lead us, show us his ways, and to empower us to represent him to the world. (See John 14:26) As two people build a relationship with each other, it is essential that they both yield to the Holy Spirit and allow him to lead them in every facet of their marriage."

Today's challenge is to create a "blueprint" of what you want your marriage to look like. Include the aspects that are important to you and share this with your spouse. Ask if there is anything that they would like to change about/include in the blueprint or encourage them to create their own so you can come together and compare notes. What are the differences? What are the similarities? How can you work together to accomplish building the strong marriage that you both desire?

Matthew 7:24-27

 ²⁴Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
 ²⁵And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
 ²⁶And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
 ²⁷And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

Love as a Choice - The Real Story Behind "The Vow"

The Real Story Behind The Vow Is Better Than the Film
by Dave Boehi

My wife, Merry, and I saw the film, The Vow last week. In two recent Marriage Memo columns I wrote about a wife’s decision to divorce her husband after he had suffered a brain injury, and now a popular movie offers a similar story. 
In the film, a young married couple is involved in an automobile accident, and the wife, Paige (played by Rachel McAdams), loses five years of her memory. In her mind she’s a single law student in a close-knit family; she has no memory of how she became a sculptor, stopped communicating with her parents and sister, and then met and married Leo (Channing Tatum). The plot focuses on Paige’s attempts to rediscover herself and Leo’s efforts to keep their marriage intact.
It’s an interesting film, but it left me feeling it could have been much better. (Note to parents: It deserves its PG-13 rating for some language and sexuality.)  Descriptions of the movie led me to believe that the story was about a husband fighting heroically to save his marriage by dating his wife again and winning her back, but the plot fell short of that.
The movie ends with tantalizing postscript: some photos of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter, the real-life couple whose story inspired the film. And when I looked further into the Carpenter’s story, it seemed much better than the film.
The Carpenters had been married only 10 weeks when their accident occurred. Krickitt was in a coma for four months, and when she awoke she had lost all memory of the past two years, including her entire relationship with Kim.
“When I came round from the coma, I had no memory of this whirlwind romance,” said Krickitt in a recent article.   “My parents told me that I was married to this man, and they wouldn’t lie to me, so I knew that I must have loved him deeply. But I had no feelings for him at all, and as hard as I tried, I could not conjure up those feelings.”
Kim’s efforts to help Krickitt recover were hampered by her hostility and sudden mood swings—common aftereffects of brain damage. In their book, Kim wrote:

Unpredictable described our whole relationship. What was her real personality now and how much of it was getting to the surface? How well was she communicating what she thought and felt inside? Were we seeing the new real Krickitt?
Maybe she knew how to behave, knew how to act with me, how to control her anger, how to be affectionate and forgiving, but couldn’t put her knowledge into practice somehow because of her injury. Or maybe she had no idea about any of that. I didn’t know what Krickitt was like spiritually and emotionally anymore, and didn’t know whether her true self—whatever that was—was represented in her actions, or whether there was a disconnect between what she thought and what she did.

Despite their struggles, the Carpenters remained committed to their vows, and never seriously considered divorce. The film never mentions their Christian faith, which was central to their determination to make the marriage work. But the Carpenters have had many opportunities to make this clear in interviews connected with the movie’s release.
On the Today show, for example, Krickett said, “I chose to love him. I chose to love Kim based on obedience to God, not on feelings, because all my feelings were wiped out. … You have to stay committed. You have trials in your life, and you have to keep persevering.”
In another interview, Krickett said, “Slowly, over time, my love did grow for Kim deeply, but it was never a fluffy, gooey, falling-in-love feeling again. I know that is what everyone wants to hear, but that is not what happened the second time around. My heart didn’t skip beats; I didn’t feel swept off my feet. I would love to have felt that, but it isn’t the truth—I made a choice to love him.”
Naturally, that’s not what Hollywood wants to show in a romantic movie. But that’s the story I wish The Vow had told.

Challenge #42

I know you all have been given a lot to work on already with the Pastoral Insight that was recently posted. Do explore those things and put forth a major effort to accomplish them daily, not just today! In the meantime, today's challenge is simple: consider what foundation your marriage is currently built on and discuss this with your spouse. Inquire what foundation they believe your marriage is built upon and why, then share your own thoughts. What do you want your marriage to be built on and why? How can its foundation determine the quality of your marriage?

We'll talk tomorrow.

Another Write Up By Our Pastor

(Will be moved to the Pastoral Insight page)

I've never claimed to be a professional when it comes to relationships but 42 years of marriage can give a lot of information. Everybody knows that we need to spend quality time with our mate if we are going to have a good relationship. But we live in the twenty first-century where both spouses work outside the home and the day can really take it out of us. We're so tired when we finally get to bed that we rarely take the time to talk or nurture that special relationship that is ours alone.
Look at your schedule and see where some quiet time together can be stolen from the world. We can make time for the items that are important, if we have to. I f you had a child in the hospital, you would most certainly make the time to spend hours there.
Building a deeper bond can be created just by sharing time and talking about your day. Needless to say your spouse wants to hear about your day as long as you have been able to set apart time for it. To the contrary, when we love someone, we want to be part of their everything. A very important thing to understand that the love quotes that we all read ought to be an inspiration and not a judgment. We all want a love that lasts like we read about in the quotes about love. But that love is one which is acquired and not just handed to us.
It is great to use your time to just discuss and do activities you enjoy. Why not go for a car ride and speak of your day. My wife and I do this often and it really nourishes our relationship. Some couples play word games or trivia on the web, laughing and communicating with each other as they did when they were dating so long ago. Use your time well to find things that both of you enjoy and just have fun together.
Consider, even thirty minutes a day can be enough to overcome the stress of the day together. Pass on jokes and anything unusual that occurred. This may sound silly, but do not be afraid to create a list of thi together. Pass on jokes and anything unusual that occurred. This may sound silly, but do not be afraid to create a list of things that you want to speak about later on that night. You must train yourself to remember the important and even little things to talk about.
Plan when your next time together will be and what you are going to do. Just get out and live life. Make sure you spend time both in and out of the home together. Learn to mix things up so that your time together will always be interesting. It is important to keep things interesting.
Learn to speak positively of the great things about the place you work and not just always focusing on the things that give you stress. Your job has its good points so make sure to talk about it. By speaking about your day in all its aspect you will be able to build a bridge of communication that cannot be built in any other way. You need this time to talk to your spouse about all that has gone on.
Make time to pray and read your Bible. Include the Lord in all your activities and seek Him for guidance. Pray for your spouse that God will make them the person He wants them to be, not what you want them to be. Get involved together in your church and Sunday School. Spend time with mature Christian couples and learn from them how to nurture your relationship. All relationships have to be nurtured or else they will dwindle and die! God Bless!!

Weekend Challenge #5

Good morning all.
There are many different things you can do to spend quality time with your spouse. Think outside the box and try to spend some time connecting with your spouse daily. You would be surprised what a difference the short amount of time this takes will make in your marriage. As little as fifteen minutes catching up with each other can mean a great deal. But if you can also add more time to this in sharing an activity that you or your spouse enjoy, well, that can mean the world!

This weekend's challenge is for the heart. Puposefully spend some time in prayer for your wife/husband this weekend. Pray for their heart, their spirit, their joy and security. Pray for your marriage and your friendship. Pray for all the things that you don't know about that God knows. Earnestly pray for them this weekend.

Challenge #41

Good Morning! How was your walk? Did you love it? Was it cold? If so, I hope you kept each other warm! :-)

Today's challenge will also be in the realm of quality time.

The challenge is simple: Spend atleast 15 minutes reading with your spouse today.

If reading is something that your spouse does frequently, when you see them reading, ask them what they're reading and to share a little bit with you. If reading isn't something your spouse does regularly, then find something to read and ask them to come sit with you for a few minutes while you read it. It can be a book, an article, whatever you want. Don't work too hard on the opening. A simple "can I share this with you?" or "listen to this..." will do. Spend a few minutes, one reading, one listening, take turns if you want. When you're done, share your thoughts about what was read and ask your spouse about theirs.

Challenge #40

Was your reaction to yesterday's challenge: Wow! I didn't realize how many positive thoughts I have about my spouse until I was actually saying them?! I sincerely hope it was! It may seem like overkill for some of you, but in all sincerity your spouse needs to hear that from you. They need to hear that you think the world of them and only want and hope for the best for them. I know you are still within your 24 hours because of the time at which I posted yesterday's challenge. KEEP IT UP! Keep speaking life to your spouse's good qualities. Keep encouraging all the many things that you love and enjoy about them. You will see these things magnified! As you focus on the good and dwell on it, these things so greatly outshine the bad that you cannot help but find more and more things to love about and commend your spouse on. Keep it going you guys, 24 hours is nothing.

So for today's challenge, we will combine friendship and romance (which is what marriage should be) and spend some quality time together. Find some time today to go on a short walk with your wife/husband. You don't have to go far and you don't have to walk for very long, just go. Walk around the block, down the street and back, or if you have property, take a walk around it. Just spend some time together. You don't have to spend the entire time talking, you don't have to talk at all. Hold hands and share a kiss. Just be together.

Challenge #39

I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day if you celebrate it!
If receiving gifts is your love language, I hope your spouse was able to gift you with something that you appreciated. Whether you received or gave the perfect gift or not, I hope you were able to show your spouse some love regardless.

So speaking of the five love languages, today we are going to go back into the realm of words of affirmation. If "words of affirmation" is one of your spouse's top love languages (and even if it's not) you should remember that words hold some serious weight for them. Also remember that this goes both ways: for speaking positively and speaking negatively. We're going to deal with both sides in today's challenge.

Not only should you not say anything negative (or anything that can be perceived as negative by your spouse), but strive to encourage your spouse in as many aspects of their life as possible. Often we are guilty of thinking great and wonderful things about the one we love, but never putting them into words. Don't assume that they know. For the next 24 hours, say every affirming thing that comes to mind, no matter how big or small. Whether it's I'm so glad you're home, that color looks great on you, or you are awesome with the kids - you're saying it all. If you're thinking something and cannot say it at that precise moment, slip your spouse a note, send them a quick text or shoot them an email. Just be absolutely sure to tell them in some way today.

Look at the time. 24 hours, starting... NOW!

For the Men

(This will be moved to the Pastoral Insight page)

Its Valentine's Day in America and I can't even begin to imagine how busy the florist, candy stores and restaurants are going to be. And if your lucky, I will put the jewelers in that mix. We are going to do something special for our sweethearts this one day out of the year and take em for granted the other 364! I've learned a lot in 42 years of marriage and I would like to share with you men a couple of things I've learned.

You guys who are in a relationship, you need to always remember that you shouldn’t ever take your girlfriend or wife for granted; after all she is the first one that will always be there for you in your desperate time of need. A woman’s heart is such a precious thing, it’s so easy to gain and just as easy to lose. You need to understand that if your girlfriend or wife approaches you with what she feels isn’t working in your relationship, please see this as her cry to help you both, don’t see it as if she’s attacking you with all the negative things, relationships are all trial by error and you have to work at it to keep it healthy, strong and alive.

I suppose most of you ladies reading this post have been with someone who is a fake. You meet a guy, and he’s absolutely the best person to you ever. In your eyes he’s Mr. Right, he’s the hottest guy to you, he does all the right things and says all the right things that just sweeps you off your feet. The personality he shows you is flawless, shortly after that, his true colors come out, and you’re left standing there wondering what happened to the man you fell in love with! Now you have a choice, do you accept this person for who he really is, or do you hold on to the man he used to be in the beginning in hopes that he will soon sweep you off your feet again? That no doubt would be a difficult decision!

Men, women understand that you will want to flatter them, but you have to understand that what ever you do in the beginning of a relationship is pretty much what they would automatically expect to get if they pursue a long term relationship with you. So please, maintain it, continuously make that lady feel pretty and sexy like you did in the beginning. You don’t need to go spend hundreds of dollars, but a single rose, or a card or a sweet note on a post would make them smile from ear to ear. And think about it, to make her smile and feel this happiness only cost you a few minutes of your time! It’s really not a lot to ask for! I understand that people change, and we must learn to adjust to each others changing ways, but don’t ever forget that women are delicate flowers inside and out, and you must provide your rays of sunshine upon them.

I can’t stress this enough, but to women, the little things that you do is what means the absolute most to them. Please don’t stop giving them morning hugs and kisses, if you can’t see them every morning, then don’t stop sending the sweet good morning text messages or morning phone calls. And same goes for night time, there’s nothing better for a woman than having the man she loves call her or hold her and tell her he loves her right before she goes to bed. Men, please take the initiative and do this for that special woman in your life today and forever!
God Bless!

Challenge #38 Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

A friend of mine shared an awesome write up with me yesterday that I would like to share with you all:

"When thinking about what to write about in relation to Valentine’s Day, I started thinking about agape love and did some searching and found this: Holman’s Bible Dictionary defines agape love as "Unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the well-being of another."

Agape is, in contrast, a learned love, not something that is natural with mankind. Agape love is not possible unless the Spirit of God is living and working in a person. Without God’s work on the heart and the actions, no person can rise to love all others as Jesus did.

Agape is not easy. We have to submit to the Spirit and allow the Spirit to nurture in our nature the ability to show patience and long-suffering. Disciples can be ugly, unlovable, demanding, challenging and cantankerous, but agape sees beyond those character flaws to the eternal soul of another redeemed person.

This Valentine’s Day let’s focus on the true love, the agape love of the Bible and not on the man made tradition telling us what love is and should be and look like. The Bible tells us what true agape love is.

1. "Agape has to do with the mind: it is not simply an emotion which rises unbidden in our hearts; it is a principle by which we deliberately live. Agape has supremely to do with the will."
2. It is not an uncontrolled reaction of the heart, but a concentrated exercise of the will.
3. It is a caring love one which becomes involved with the need of others.
4. It is does not depend upon the one being loved having to earn such love.
5. It is not an exclusive love expressed only to select few, but an all-embracing benevolence, shown toward all."

Today's challenge is to show your spouse that you love them in a way that you know they will enjoy and appreciate, regardless of what day it is!!! Strive to show your husband/wife that you love them every single day of your life.

On Divorce

(Will be moved to the Pastoral Insight page)

Tomorrow, February 14, about six o'clock in the evening my best friend and I will have 42 years of marriage behind us. We've experienced both the smooth sailing and the bumps on the road. We've hit some pretty big bumps on the marriage road but thanks be to God, we've held together. She is the love of my life and I treasure the time we are together. I can't imagine life without her.

For the last few years I've read statistics on marriage and divorce that says 50% of all marriages end in divorce. One statistician has written that 53% of all marriages are ending in divorce. There is no doubt in my mind that we give up on marriage too quickly in this country. Whether you are a man or woman, you should only walk out the door if you can honestly say, I have tried everything to reconcile with my spouse. If you have done everything you can do; you've gone to counseling, you've prayed together, you've talked to your pastor, you've talked to and received counsel from trusted friends, you've listened to the advice of treasured brothers and sisters, you've submitted to the voice of God in your situation, you've read books, and you've done all you can do to change, when your child asks, "Why did I have to grow up without you," you'll have more to say than, "We just weren't having fun anymore." You need to be able to look them in the eye and say, We did all we could do to make our relationship work and decided that the best gift we could give you is to live separately in peace. Remaining in constant agreement on one thing; we would continue to give you all the love and support you required to live, grow and enter into the destiny for which God has called you. If you can't say all these things then you're not ready for divorce.

Of course, no body is ever or should ever be ready for divorce. Malachi 2:16 says:

"For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away (divorce): for one covereth his garment with violence, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." In

Matthew 19: 3-9 Jesus explains why:

"The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

In other words, marriage is a sacred covenant. When a man and woman agree, in love and before God, to be bound to one another in marriage; God binds them in supernatural mystery. Two hearts beat as one, two bodies become one flesh, and two paths become one journey. In the Old Testament marriage was a picture of God's love for His people and in the New Testament it is a picture of Christ's love for the church. God hates divorce because as Malachi says, it covers a perfect body of love with a garment of violence.

Jesus goes on to say that Moses made a concession for divorce because of the hardness of our hearts; because we are naturally selfish, unable to keep promises never mind uphold covenants, prone to unforgiveness and ignorant of the power and beauty of sacrificial love. Divorce was allowed for the sake of peace and the avoidance of sexual immorality that would bring disgrace on Gods people and make them ineffective in their mission to be His light-bearers to the world.

He goes on to say that from the beginning it was meant to be forever. It should not be entered into lightly because to end it was to declare to all that God's miracle of creating one flesh, His gifts of love and forgiveness, His call to mutual submission and most importantly His commission to model for the world His love for His people and Christ's love for the church is of less importance than your freedom from your marriage. He finishes with the stern warning to consider divorce very carefully because except in cases of sexual immorality there could only be one divorce...there could only one marriage; all else was adultery.

Divorce needs to be the last option and the hardest decision you ever make and not the easy procedure our culture has made it. Whether or not you believe there is forgiveness for the divorcing spouse or there is modern-day provision for future relationships after divorce; God hates divorce! Maybe we should pay more attention to the words we hear at almost every wedding: "what God has joined together let no man put (split) asunder!" God Bless!

Challenge #37 Valentine's Day Advice

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day and while it is not a particularly special day to us here at The Marriage Challenge, that doesn't mean that it is not a special day for the couples who follow our blog! That being said, here's a link to the 10 worst V-Day gifts courtesy of Match.com: http://yahoo.match.com/cp.aspxcpp=/cppp/yahoo/article.html&articleid=5928&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1016615
Take this advice with a grain of salt, realizing that you know your spouse and his or her preferences better than anyone else, as I did not feel all the opinions stated applied in reference to our particular marriage.

Having just read what was written in the previous paragraph, I know some of you were thinking "yeah, I don't care about Valentine's Day either!" And that's all well and good, but does your spouse? That is the question! Remember, we are attempting to express our love for them through selflessness. If Valentine's Day is a holiday that your spouse enjoys or admires, then please make it a point to honor that. There is absolutely nothing worse than believing that any day (birthday, anniversary, Valentine's Day) is a "special day" only to have your spouse treat it like it's not. If your spouse digs V-Day, treat it like a special day in reverence of him/her.

If your wife love flowers, please do go out and buy her a bouquet of her favorite flowers. I know they're way over priced before V-Day, but still. Nothing's too good for your wife! And please notice that I said "her favorite." You have to know her favorite to get her favorite. Maybe there is a flower that she likes better than a red rose; some of you have never even bothered to ask. But don't stop at flowers husbands! If Valentine's Day is a special day to your wife, then put forth a sincere effort to make it a special day for her. I know we have done many things to express our love for our spouse that have been excellent ideas for things you could do on V-Day. Fortunately for you, you've been showing your love in so many ways already, her love bank is probably already full - so V-Day will be the icing on the cake. But it wouldn't hurt to repeat some challenges tomorrow, such as calling her to let her know you're thinking about her, meeting her for lunch, writing her a letter, or telling her how much she means to you or why you love her. Maybe just some quality time or some alone time, child free is in order. If you can arrange this, make it happen! Oh, and most women love cards - try to pick one that illustrates how you really feel about her, put some thought into it.

Now ladies, I know it's a little trickier for you. Some of your husbands love Valentine's Day and you may not even know it! Here's a hint: if your husband goes out of his way for you on V-Day, he probably likes V-Day just as much as you do. First and foremost, if he gets you a gift that you don't particularly care for, be gracious in accepting it and thank him earnestly - some people are not fortunate enough to have a husband as thoughtful as yours :-) Also, I know gift giving is especially difficult when shopping for a man, but try to consider who your spouse is and what you know about his preferences. For instance, if your husband doesn't wear shirts with collars often, you probably don't want to buy him a tie... If he really likes lingerie and you're game enough to buy some and follow through with wearing it, then go for it. Women find it cliche to receive lingerie because, let's be honest with ourselves here, when husbands buy their wives lingerie, it's really a gift for them as well. But, wives if you're going to go that route (as most husband's will NOT find this gift to be cliche) take into consideration something you think that he would like for V-Day. We're all adults here, right lol! But again, don't stop there ladies! It'd be a nice gesture for you to repeat some challenges as well. Cooking a favorite meal, taking care of some business, asking how you can be of service, etc. Or maybe your husband also just wants some quality time, child free, and your undivided attention.

There are two points I'm trying to make here:
1) Honor your spouse and their preferences. If Valentine's Day is important to your spouse, allow it to be important to you because your spouse is important to you - you want to show your husband/wife that you not only love them, but you care about what's important to them
2) Be creative and consider your spouse's preferences! The best gifts are those that are sincere and from the heart - the one's that say "I know who you are and I love you!"

Weekend Challenge #4

Put forth a valiant effort to spend either some face-to-face or shoulder-to-shoulder time with your spouse this weekend.
For more information on this, see Weekend Challenge #2 by clicking on the link below:
http://themchallenge.blogspot.com/2012/01/weekend-challenge-2.html

Challenge #36

We could all use a helping hand every now and again and it's nice to receive some much needed assistance from the one closest to you. We should seek to lighten the load of our spouse whenever possible. If we can do anything to help them, we should put forth a sincere effort to do so. The more you do for your spouse, the more you do for you because the two of your are one flesh and you are meant to love him/her as yourself. Continue to lovingly nurture your most precious earthly relationship.

Onto today's challenge! Is it at all possible for you to meet your spouse for lunch today? If so, make plans to do so today! If not, give your spouse a call during lunch to let them know that you're thinking about them and can't wait to spend time with them later today.

Challenge #35

:-) I trust everyone had a nice night. If you or your spouse's love language is physical touch, physical contact is high on the list of wants/needs to feel closeness, intimacy, and of course love. From the 5 Love Languages:

"This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive."

One thing I will say about the quote above: Sometimes, people who have physical touch as one of their love languages are not "very touchy." Physical touch may convey to them all of the positive feelings and emotions above and they may greatly enjoy, respond to, and desire physical touch, but they still may not be "very touchy" themselves. Keep this in mind when considering your spouse in particular. We will be learning more about the 5 Love Languages in the upcoming weeks!

For today's challenge, call your spouse and ask them if there is anything that you can do to make their day a little easier. And don't just ask, but offer to do it. "Would you like me to...?" "Can I help by...?" Sometimes asking if there is anything you can do doesn't mean as much as offering specifics. The latter shows that you put some thought into how you could truly help to improve their day!

Challenge #34

I trust everyone found the time to write their spouse a letter yesterday? And if you're a part of an MLS couple, I hope that you mailed or emailed that letter to your spouse yesterday! I think it's safe to say that we all want to hear loving words from our spouses - we all want to hear how they feel about us, where we stand, and that we are loved. I'm sure that with Valentine's Day so rapidly approaching, anyone with a tv or the internet has seen the new Hallmark commercial. If not, I've included it below:



They have one thing right: everyone has something they want to hear. But in reality, we don't just want to hear it. We want to know it and we want to feel it. We're not big Valentine's Day supporters over here - I should get that out of the way. What we are big on is showing your love in some way on a daily basis. It is not only possible, but it makes for better marriages.

Today's challenge will be physical. It's up to you to decide what your spouse would prefer and it is preferable that you not ask them before initiating - but if you must, feel free. When you or your spouse or both get(s) home (I can't possibly know how you all arrive home lol), give him or her a massage. It can be foot, back, shoulder, head, etc. The point is not to ask them if they would like one because most will say no because they don't want to inconvenience you or for you to go out of your way, or you're probably tired yourself and blah blah blah - so many reasons for you not to do it. Just take the initiative and do it. There's no time limit, but I am recommending at least five minutes. And if you really want to go all out, light a candle and/or break out the lotion or oil. If you or your spouse's love language is physical touch, this should make for an enjoyable experience for both of you!

Challenge #33

Good morning everyone! Because it is still a good morning no matter what's going on around you right? You are alive today with another opportunity to give glory to God and show loving kindness to your spouse (and others)! Often times, a warm welcome is taken for granted because we get so used to our wives/husbands meeting us outside to help us with our things or unlocking and opening the door for us as we arrive. Please try not to take these simple things for granted ladies and gentlemen. Encourage your spouse by showing your appreciation for the little things they do for you.

Today's challenge, I've been saving for a while. I knew it would be a challenge eventually and today seems like a good day to do it. Today's challenge is to write your spouse a letter. Tell them how glad you are you married them and why. Also express your commitment to them as your life partner and tell them how much you love them. Don't just write it, make sure that they receive it.

Challenge #32

Did you notice anything during your time spent keeping a positive attitude last week? Know this: happiness is a choice. To have joy is a choice. In the same way that to love someone is a choice. I hope you have all realized that at any point in time you can choose happiness. You can choose to respond to adversity with positivity. And you can choose to treat your spouse (and others) with loving kindness - at any point. There are no restrictions to this. The only restrictions come from within yourself. Don't be fooled into thinking that you can't be happy. Don't be fooled into believing that you can't have joy. And certainly don't be fooled into believing that you can't choose love at any given moment in your life. In the same way that you chose to keep a positive attitude - because it was a challenge, because you're competitive, because you're not a quitter, for whatever reason - you can choose to demonstrate true unconditional love from your heart.

Two things I heard from dear friends come to mind as I write this. The first is this: you can't overflow if you're not full. I'm using this to illustrate that if you are not filled with love, you can not possibly let it overflow to others. You have to have an abundance to overflow, so choose to love abundantly. The second is this: JOY = Jesus first, Others next, You last. You must have your priorities straight. If you don't remember anything else, remember this. Go to the Source, be filled, and overflow.

Today's challenge will be much easier than our last challenge. Today, whenever you see your spouse, greet them in an affectionate and loving way. Show them that you are happy and/or excited to see them. Let them know through your greeting that your reunion with them is the highlight of your day.

Challenge #31 & Weekend Challenge #3

How'd it go? You didn't cheat and just start and end whenever you felt like it, did you? :-)
I hope you saw some positive results from your positive attitude! Can you imagine if we had a positive outlook all the time? I'll tell you a little secret about myself: I try to do this every day. Does that mean I succeed daily? No. But do I fail daily? No! Most days, I am able to sustain my positive attitude and my days are bright because of it. Not only that, but I like to think I bring a little brightness to family and friends as well!

How would you all feel about making this our weekend challenge for this week?
If love thinks no evil... bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things - it sounds like love is not only positive, but powerful! I think we should keep this going you guys. I mean really, what do you have to lose? Besides a bad mood, a bad attitude, some pride, and a little selfishness to name a few?!

Remember, stay positive!
See you all Monday.

Challenge #30

Here we are at challenge number thirty! I realize we have had more than thirty challenges, including the weekend challenges and the seminar, but nevertheless - Challenge #30! They say it takes 30 days (or less) to form a habit. I hope by now, many of you who were with us from the beginning have formed a habit of demonstrating selfless love toward your spouse. I hope that each challenge is not just a "one-day" thing to each of you, but that you challenge yourself to remember to use many of the skills you've learned every single day. No one knows your spouse better than you do - you have seen what your spouse responds to and what they do not - use this information wisely.

Were you able to complete yesterday's prayer challenge? If not, go back to it and put forth every effort possible to complete it, remembering that we have already learned that agape love is not possible without the power of God.

Today I was thinking: there really is power in positivity. The same way a negative attitude can bring down everyone around you, a positive attitude can uplift! Be positive for the rest of the day. When circumstances arise, which they inevitably will, remain positive anyway. Let nothing cause a negative thought to enter your mind, or a negative word to exit your mouth - and if they do, dismiss them quickly. Try keeping this positive attitude for the next 24 hours, at minimum.

"A positive attitude is not a feeling but an underlying outlook we have toward people and toward life. It represents a hope and faith that is rooted within our hearts."

Challenge #29

Wow! So did you notice a positive response from your spouse the last two days or what?! I know some of you did! That is so awesome!!! Keep up the good work my friends - a happy marriage is possible! And I suppose I should have warned you that when you are eager to please, help, assist, support, etc. - you will find more ways for you to do so, and so will your spouse lol!

Today's challenge is taken out of The Power of a Praying Husband. It was just too good not to share with you all. Many times, husbands and wives alike don't realize or take into consideration what a huge impact their words and actions have in the lives of their spouse. For better or worse, consider yourself the most influential person in your spouse's life. And if you're not, you should be - for the better!

Pray this prayer with your spouse today. If, and only if, your spouse refuses to pray with you, pray it yourself:

Lord, I pray that You would establish in me and (your spouse's name) bonds of love that cannot be broken. Show me how to love my wife/husband in an ever-deepening way that s/he can clearly recognize. May we have mutual respect and admiration for each other so that we become and remain one another's greatest friend, champion, and unwavering support. Where love has been diminished, lost, destroyed, or buried under hurt and disappointment, put it back in our hearts. Give us strength to hold on to the good in our marriage, even in those times when one of us doesn't feel love.

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12