Challenge #87: The Best of Me

We are going through the Home Builders Couples Seriers with some friends and we came across a very interesting activity. Together we had to rate how well our marriage reflects God's image and models his attributes to others. There were four categories: We reflect God's... 1)perfect love for imperfect people 2)loving-kindness, by serving to meet needs 3)commitment by patient support and 4)peace by resolving conflicts. Those categories were then applied to three different persons: to each other, to our families (we took this to mean extended family, not the family we created together), and to others. The diagram looks like this:

What an activity! We found that we reflect God's love, kindness, commitment, and peace to our friends and families on a MUCH greater scale than to each other. In fact, our ratings for families and others were all 8-10 and to each other, they were 5 and below! Ouch! What a painful reality. To realize that you are better to other people than you are to your spouse can be a heart breaking experience. With this information, we vowed to be better to each other, to treat each other better than we treat other people in our lives.

So with that, I present you with this question: Who receives the best of you?
Who receives the most patience? The most kindness? Is it your co-workers? Your extended family? Whom do you serve and for whom do you sacrifice? Your fellow church members? Your closest friends?

For today's challenge, use the diagram above to rate yourself in the areas listed. Be honest with yourself. If you discover that you, like us, have better reflected God's love to other people than to your spouse, repent of this and vow to put your spouse first from this day forward.

Challenge #86 Dating Your Wife

June 11, 201220 Ideas for Dating Your Wife by Justin Buzzard Men, you know your wife better than anyone else, and only you know how to best encourage and cultivate her as a woman of God. But sometimes it helps to build off other people's ideas in order to form your own. Here are 20 ideas that I hope will spark your thinking about how you can date your wife. 1. Attend a wedding. Sit in the back row and spend the whole time whispering memories from your own wedding. 2. Make a list of 10 things your wife loves to do. Each new time you take your wife on a date, do one of those 10 things as your date. 3. Take up a new hobby with your wife; do something new that you're both excited about. 4. Do the classic date: dinner and a show. Take your wife to din­ner and to a movie she wants to watch. 5. Take a 12-month honeymoon with your wife. Relive your honeymoon by scheduling a 24-hour getaway for every month of this year. Each month go somewhere new with your wife. 6. Devote one hour each night for alone time with your wife. Talk about how your days went. Joke around with each other. Cultivate your friendship. Talk honestly about what's going on in your lives. Help each other. Encourage each other. Pray together. 7. Mark your wife's birthday, your wedding anniversary, and Mother's Day on your calendar every year and plan to make those days special. 8. Write a love note to your wife. Tell her all over again what she means to you. 9. Spend an evening stargazing with your wife and talking about dreams you have for the future. 10. Spend an evening reminiscing with your wife about all you've been through together and all God has done and redeemed in your life together. 11. Devote the next month to studying a book of the Bible with your wife. Take 20 minutes several nights a week to read, discuss, and pray through a shorter book such as Ephesians or Philippians. 12. Visit your roots. Visit where your wife grew up and where you grew up. Learn more about each other's backgrounds. 13. Hold your wife's hand often, in public and in private. 14. Tell your wife that you love her. 15. Tell your wife that Jesus loves her more than you do. 16. Set a weekly date night. Each week rotate going out and stay­ing in for your date night. 17. Cancel work for the day and do something special with your wife. 18. Take dancing lessons with your wife. 19. Cut something from your schedule and use that time to date your wife. 20. Vacation with your wife without your kids, without your work, and without your cell phone and computer.

Challenge #85

Now this is going to be a challenge.

More than likely, you think about your spouse some time through out the day, and if you're like most people, you think about them multiple times a day.

For today, each time your spouse comes to mind, say a prayer for them. Yes. EACH TIME. It doesn't have to be long and you don't have to stop what you're doing. It can be short but sweet: Lord, I pray for my wife right now, wherever she is I pray that you keep your hand of protection over her. Or Father, I pray for my husband that you would encourage him and shine your light through him. Short, but sweet.

It's really not as difficult as it sounds, it just takes a little extra thought and a little discipline. So from this moment forward, every time you think of your husband/wife, say a prayer for them. Let's strive to continually pray for God to intercede in the life of our spouse!

Challenge #84

Does your spouse always tell you when they’ve had a rough day?

Chances are, probably not. Whether your spouse works or stays home, there are times when the days seem longer and harder to them. Your spouse may have had a horrible day and you may not even know it. They may feel that they didn’t get much accomplished or that they have been unsuccessful or failed in some way. Today, find a way to let your spouse know that no matter what, they are a winner in your eyes!

Challenge #83

Do you ever think about your spouse’s self-esteem?

How high or low is it?

How does your spouse feel about him or herself?

Does your spouse see themselves as totally capable, confident enough to take on whatever is thrown their way? Or do they see themselves as likely to fail or always messing up?

How do your words and actions affect your spouse’s self-esteem?

Do you make your husband/wife feel ten feet tall?

Or do you make them feel small enough to fit through the doggy door?

Today, put forth an effort to boost your spouse’s self-esteem with both your words AND your actions. Make your husband or wife feel ten feet tall today!

Marriage Memo

The Ring Makes All the Difference

by Glenn T. Stanton

All relationship forms are not created equal.
Cohabitation is not a junior, apprentice form of marriage.
Cohabitation is not an on-ramp to marriage.
Cohabitation is not marriage’s spring training.
Cohabitation is not marriage-lite.
Cohabitation is just “moving in together” so we can save some money on rent, spend more time together, and see how the relationship works out.
Marriage is an action, a decision, a statement.
Marriage is giving our all to another and stepping up and proclaiming it to the community of people around us. And that commitment makes us different kinds of people, different partners, different parents. It says we are clearly for another, or at least that’s what the others around us—those who witnessed our exchange of vows—expect of us. Marriage demands something of us. And this expectation makes us act differently.

Marriage is definitive. Marriage is absolute. Marriage leads us into new worlds—and it closes off others.

This is the virtue of marriage. This is why marriage makes real, measurable differences in our lives.

Marriage is so much more than we tend to think it is.
Marriage is more than the wedding. Too many young couples today act as if the wedding is what marriage is primarily about, rather than just simply the doors a couple passes through on their way into matrimony. Researchers and journalists who talk to young couples about why they are delaying their marriage find these couples often explain they aren’t marrying because they can’t yet afford a wedding.
To listen to these young folks, mostly the women, one would think their pastor or the clerk at City Hall will reject their application for a marriage license because they can’t spend at least $10,000 on their wedding.

When Jackie and I got married in 1982, big weddings were as much the craze as they are today. But we were two kids who had fallen in love in high school and wanted to get married as soon as we could. Our wedding probably cost $800, including rings, Jackie’s dress, and my dorky white tux. No one told us we were dishonoring marriage.
We were, however, honored by the number of people who told us that night and afterward that it was one of the most beautiful weddings they had ever attended. It certainly wasn’t because we put on an impressive party on such a tight budget. It was because our wedding was the simple, honest celebration of the commitment two young people were making to one another.
There is absolutely no research showing that couples who drop a gigantic wad on a wedding bash have longer, happier marriages than those who don’t. In fact, those who think the ceremony is the big thing probably end up less satisfied in their marriages. They are focused on the frosting rather than the cake.
Those who invest themselves in the marriage that comes after the wedding are investing in something that really matters. And it will pay serious dividends in the form of contentment, intimacy, support, love, and genuine happiness.
Marriage is more than getting a soul mate. I am not a fan of the soul mate concept of marriage. You see this idea in commercials for certain online dating services. “We will help you find the spouse of your dreams …” they claim. Do I think they should help you find the match of your nightmares? No. But this “I want to marry my soul mate” idea of marriage gets it wrong on two important levels.
First, marriage is not like a shopping trip where we scan the aisles looking for that perfect something we need to complete some need in our life. A spouse is not a consumer product we shop for to fulfill us in just the right way.
Second, marriage is not so much about us and our needs and wishes. The soul mate idea of marriage makes it about us—and turns our spouse into something that suits us, for us. And when this person reveals their human flaws to us in the intimate microscope of marriage, we become prone to wonder if this imperfect person is really the God-given soul mate we thought we were getting. It happened with the first two humans. And it has happened with most couples since.
So should husbands and wives not be soul mates? It is not a question of whether but when! Find any couple successfully married 30 years or more and ask about their spouse as their soul mate. Then ask if their spouse was their soul mate from day one. They will most likely laugh. You see, we don’t marry our soul mate. We marry the person whose soul mate we want to become.
Marriage is more than “happily ever after.” Where have you heard the line “and they lived happily ever after”? It’s not announced by the pastor as the newly-married couple walks down the aisle. We hear it only in fairy tales.
Did I just throw a big cup of cold water in someone’s face about happiness and marriage? Not at all!
Married people tend to be happier on a wide scale of measurements—more so than people who are single, dating, cohabiting, or divorced. Married people enjoy very high levels of happiness. But they don’t enjoy constant happiness.
Marriage is a joy, but it is also hard work. This is one of its strengths. As one man told me about his own marriage, “There are days I feel I could trade my wife for a warm Diet Coke; but those are rare. Most days she is the greatest thing going!”
These less-than-happily-ever-after days make us better people—and make the good days more fulfilling. This is one of the reasons marriage makes us better people: It compels us to hang in there through the rough times and see it through. To try to do better next time.
Marriage is more than about you. Marriage tends to produce more happiness in our lives than any other adult relationship. There is a reason for this. It has to do with the unique nature of marriage—the commitment it demands.
Marriage increases our happiness because marriage is more likely than any other relationship to make us live for others. Marriage keeps doing this in my life. And those who know me best know that I too often fail. It makes me struggle. It makes me work harder to be more giving. But this work also makes me happier.
Marriage had this effect on most of us.
The first chapters of Genesis teach us that the first two humans became husband and wife before they became anything else. This was God’s plan—and delight—for them.
Marriage builds a relationship like no other. It makes a difference. And that difference is very good.
Marriage is more. Don’t settle for less.
Adapted from The Ring Makes All the Difference by Glenn T. Stanton. Published by Moody Publishers. Copyright ©2011 by Glenn T. Stanton. Used with permission

Challenge #82

GOOOOOD MORNING WORLD!!!
After a mandatory vacation, we're back in full effect!
Let's jump right back into it, shall we?

Forgiveness, as we said before, is a funny thing. Even though the phrase "forgive and forget" is extremely popular, most people try to forgive but absolutely refuse to forget! In fact, the phrase "I'll forgive, but I'll never forget" is almost equally popular! But always beg the question: what does God want? What does He desire for us to do?

Two verses come to mind in refernce to these points:

Luke 17:4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.

If the Lord says He will forgive us and remember our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34) and removes our sin from us as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) AND we are to forgive others as we have been forgiven (Matthew 6, Matthew 18, etc.) it seems silly for us to hold onto the past offenses of our spouse.

At some point, we must let go of the past, those things which are behind: things that we couldn't change even if we wanted to, and reach forward to a better future. True forgiveness is something that we all have struggled with at one time or another. But it is something that is mandatory for a healthy, thriving marriage. If you truly desire a better future, don't allow the past to hold you back any longer.

Lifelong Union

Will be moved to the Pastoral Insight page:

God who created man and marriage itself, has laid out His plan for marriage as a lifelong union. God knows this design is the best. When we stray from His plan, the results are damaging on many levels.
Unfortunately, the divorce rate in the church is comparable to that of the culture at large. Many Christians see nothing wrong with divorce, at least in their own particular situation. But the Bible clearly addresses marriage and divorce.
Marriage is the first institution created by God. God made the first man, Adam, but declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone. He then brought to Adam all the animals, which Adam named, but "no companion suitable for him" was found (Read Genesis 2:20). God was revealing to Adam his incomplete nature. God then created a woman, Eve, for Adam. He blessed them and their union and gave them the earth to rule over. (See Genesis 1:27-28.) The creation of marriage occurred prior to sin's entrance into the world. It was a part of God's perfect design for mankind.
Through the prophets, God emphasized three principles:
1. Marriage is sacred
2. God hates divorce
3. Marriage is designed to produce children of good character. (See Malachi 2:13-16)
Jesus underscored the importance and sacredness of lifelong marriage in His own teachings. (See Matthew 19:6.)
The apostle Paul further taught that the marital relationship is to be an ongoing demonstration of the sacrificial love that Christ showed His church. (See Ephesians 5:21-33.)
Specifically, what does the Bible tell us about divorce? Malachi 2:13-16 gives us a clear look into God's heart for marriage:
13And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
14Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
15And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
16For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
I understand that some people have suffered a divorce through no-fault of their own. I understand that some have to get out of an abusive situation or some through a spouses continual infidelity. But most divorces today in the christian community are for selfish reasons that have lasting consequences.
If you are a Christian considering divorce, please pray carefully about your decision, and be open to God's leading. (God's heart is to heal marriages.)
If your spouse is the one deciding on divorce, you may not be able to stop him or her through current divorce laws. However, you can try to persuade your spouse to consider a legal separation first, which would give you both more time to consider the issue.
Pray that God will open the lines of communication between you and your spouse and that He will restore the love in your relationship. And pray for patience and a forgiving spirit. Try to resist the temptation to say angry words to your spouse or do things that would push him or her further away. Restoration does occur even in the most hostile circumstances, but it is more difficult when harsh words have passed between you. Remember, God hates divorce! God Bless!!

Challenge #81

Sharing Family Life's Marriage Memo:

Placing Your Spouse in the "Front Seat" of Your Heart
by Ron L. Deal
God's design for the family begins with marriage laying the foundation for the home. But stepfamilies are at a disadvantage.
Why? Because at the inception of a stepfamily, married couples find it difficult to establish their relationship as the foundation.
After all, parent-child relationships predate the new marriage and are bonded by blood, history, and family identity. When a husband and wife bring children into their new marriage, they often find their marriage is the secondary relationship. And unless they find a way to make the marriage primary, they will experience distress and instability in the home.
“Wait a minute,” you may say. “You mean I have to put my spouse before my children? I understand your point, but they are my flesh and blood.” Comments like these remind me of the stepfather who complained that after two years of marriage he still rides in the back-seat of the car while his wife’s children take turns riding in the front.
The process of establishing the couple as the foundational relationship of the home can feel like a win-lose situation for biological parents and children—the marriage wins, the children lose. But this is not the case. It’s a matter of significance. It’s not that a spouse matters more than children, but rather that a strong marriage relationship contributes more significantly to the stability of the home than any other factor—including the children.
Your children will never suffer neglect because you make a strong commitment to your new spouse. You don’t have to choose between your spouse and your children; when you make your marriage your primary priority, you are actually choosing both. Placing your spouse in the “front seat” of your heart is good for your children, too. In fact, a healthy marriage means safety and protection for children.
Barriers to overcome
Managing this dynamic in a stepfamily is easier said than done. One common barrier is paralyzing guilt: ”I can't do that to my kids. I don't ever want them to think I love my spouse more than I love them.”
Children suffer significantly when a parent dies or their parents divorce; when you feel guilty about what happened, it’s easy to feel a great deal of sympathy for your children. You may try to protect them from stress or from feeling unloved. If a parent becomes paralyzed by this guilt, there is a huge temptation to coddle or side with the child against your spouse.
Unfortunately this both discourages the child to move past his sadness (why would he stop grieving when it rewards him?) and steals your spouse’s authority with the child. Parents cannot afford to allow their own guilt to keep them paralyzed.
A second common barrier is refusing to take risks. When a husband and wife do what is necessary to move their marriage into a place of priority, they need to be willing to withstand the reactions of their children. Children sometimes threaten to spend more time at the other home, or protest changes in the home with anger, or close themselves off to a relationship with the stepparent as a way of discouraging their parent from investing in the marriage.
Another barrier to establishing a solid remarriage is competition for attention and affection. You may feel resentful if your spouse seems to push you away from your children, and vice versa. Stepparents who repeatedly turn everyday circumstances into a “me or them” decision inadvertently push their spouse into a defensive posture in support of their children. This is nothing but trouble.
How can couples establish their relationship as the foundation of the home when children preceded the marriage? Here are some practical tips:
1. Set a regular date night and keep it. Prioritizing time for one another helps your children see the importance you place on your relationship.
2. Strive to trust the heart of your spouse. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward your children even if they complain. Strive to give your spouse equal say in parenting decisions; be a team.
3. Support your spouse in front of your children. Back up your spouse’s decisions and insist that all the children in the household respect those decisions.
4. Affirm your commitment “out loud.” Verbally expressing love to one another in front of the children, hugging in plain sight, and talking about your future together reinforce the permanency of your marriage.
5. Spend one-on-one time with your biological children and remain involved in their activities. This reinforces that they haven’t “lost” you and paradoxically makes their acceptance of your marriage easier.
6. Insist “out loud” that your spouse spend special time with his or her biological children. This communicates that you are not in competition with them.
7. Don’t let your children manipulate you through guilt. It’s natural for children to show signs of stress or anxiety as you “move your spouse into the front seat of your heart.” Be sympathetic but don’t let them manipulate you into taking their side. Just because children hand you a ticket for a guilt-trip doesn’t mean you have to go for the ride!

8. When children challenge the role of the stepparent, respond firmly and with compassion. “You’re just changing the rule because she wants you to,” is a common complaint. Acknowledge the child’s confusion and move forward. “You’re right. Things are different now that Linda and I parent together. And you know if I were you, I’d be upset about this, too. But this is the new rule and I’m in agreement with it, so please abide by it. Let’s go.”

Challenge #80

Listening to a message by Charles Stanley, he spoke about reaping what you sow.
He illustrated that reaping what you sow is a law of the land: everything planted will grow. In the same way that planting the seeds of certain fruits and vegetables will yield exactly what is planted, planting seeds in our lives works the same way. In the same way that we can't expect to grow strawberries by planting beets, we can't expect to grow love and peace by sowing sin. His message wasn't about marriage, but hearing it, I could not help but apply it to marriage. You can listen to the full message here: In Touch

He refers to Galatians 6 which says "⁷Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. ⁸For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. ⁹And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

If you sow anger, resentment, or selfishness into your marriage, you will reap exactly that. But likewise, if you sow patience, love, and forgiveness into your marriage, you will reap exactly that! So the question is: what do you want to develop and grow in your marriage? As he said in his message: "if you don't like what you've been harvesting, change seed bags!"

Today's challenge is to apply these concepts to your marriage by sowing the seed for the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5 "²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, ²³Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law."

Challenge #79

Hopefully you have all spent the few minutes it takes to find out your spouse's love language by now. We just want to take a few minutes to share briefly what these languages mean to you according to the author of the Five Love Languages.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

We hope this gives you some insight into how your actions or inactions can potentially affect your spouse and how you can better demonstrate selfless love toward your spouse today!

Challenge #78

A Five Love Languages recommendation on words of affirmation:

Look for your spouse's strengths and tell them how much you appreciate those strengths. Chances are they will work hard to live up to their reputation.

Challenge #77

The Five Love Languages on quality conversation:

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking
2. Don't listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time
3. Listen for feelings
4. Observe body language
5. Refuse to interrupt

Put these tips into practice when speaking with your spouse today!

Challenge #76

The need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires. Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. At the heart of mankind's existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love.

Could it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible "emotional love tank" with its gauge on empty? Could the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn? With a full tank couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work?

                                                               - Taken from "The Five Love Languages"

How does your spouse's "emotional love tank" look? Is it full and overflowing or has it been running on fumes for God knows how long? If we look at emotional love as the fuel that drives our marriage, we can put into proper perspective just how important it is for our spouse to feel loved. Do you know how to make your spouse feel loved? Do you know how to express love to them in a way that they will understand and perceive as love? If so, show them they are loved through your actions today. And if you do not know your spouse's 'love language,' we encourage you to discover it today.

Here are the assessments For Wives and For Husbands. More from The Five Love Languages this week.

Challenge #75

Imagine if God's love for us was based on our performance as Christians. We would all be lost! Praise God that his ways are far above our ways. He does not love us with a worldly "love" that is based on his mood or "love" that is forever changing. Yet some of us insist upon loving our spouse this way. Why? We know that we do not want to be loved this way. We want unconditional love simply for being who we are. We don't want to be loved based on performance. Probably because we know that we all fall short - we all stumble and fall sometimes and we desire to be loved in spite of our failures. So knowing this, why do we subject our spouse to this type of conditional "love?" One word: selfishness. We have to let it go. From this point forward, strive to love your spouse as God loves. Spouse before self all the time, not just when we 'feel' like it.

Challenge #74 - No Greater Love

Bill and his wife were driving through the Rocky Mountains when a near-miss with a truck caused their car to swerve off the road and plunge into the Colorado River. After scrambling out of their sinking vehicle, they frantically treaded water in the swift current. A truckdriver, who had seen the accident, ran ahead along the shore and threw a rope to them. Bill swam behind his wife and pushed her to where she could grab the rope—and the man pulled her out. Bill, however, was carried downstream and didn’t survive. He had given his life for the woman he loved.

To give your life so another person can live is the ultimate proof of love. During the night that Jesus was betrayed, He told His disciples of His intention to give His life in exchange for mankind. He told them: “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13). And then He set the ultimate example of self-sacrifice by going to the cross.

Have you ever given any thought to the fact that Jesus did that for you—that He died in your place? In so doing, He not only proved His love for you, but He also made it possible for you to be forgiven of your sins and to have an eternal home in heaven.

He who gave Himself to save me,
Now will keep me to the end;
In His care securely resting
On His promise I depend. —Bosch

Christ’s sacrifice was what God desired and our sin required.

from Our Daily Bread

Challenge #73

Here's a question that we should all ask ourselves: how important is my marriage?How important is your marriage to you? How important is it to your spouse? To your children (if you have any)? To your extended family and friends? What would happen to you and those around  you if your marriage ended today? What would life be like for you and your spouse to be seperate? If you are like most people, you probably do not like the answers that come to mind when you ask yourself these questions. Most of us would not want to experience or inflict the hurt that comes with divorce on any of those in our lives that we care about. That is why our marriages are so fundamentally important. Most of the strongest relationships formed stem from the relationship created when two people marry: husband/wife, parent/child, in-laws/extended family, even many of our friends. If you consider your marriage to be much like the nucleus of your other earthly relationships, it is so much easier to put its importance into perspective.

This week, I've been thinking quite a bit about pruning. That is really a big part of what we challenge ourselves to do here daily: take away the bad to add the good. Eliminate unnloving, careless, destructive, or selfish behavior and replace with loving, caring, encouraging, selfless behavior. So how is that going for you? What kind of progress have you made? Because we all must have the proper understanding of the importance of our marriages and our roles within them in addition to the ability to regulate our own actions in a way that will strengthen the marriage. We must know our part and do it faithfully in spite of what our spouse may or may not be doing.

For today's challenge, identify an area in which you should grow. For example: I need to grow in grace: I need to stop expecting my spouse to do everything that I want them to do perfectly and be more understanding of their short-comings. Or: I need to grow in love. I need to be more attentive to the needs of my spouse and show them unconditional love through word and deed. We could make examples all day: patience, kindness, selflessness, etc. You know in which areas you could stand to experience some growth. Pray about it then act upon it.

Challenge #72

The vast majority of us have tasks that are designated to us and others that are designated to our spouse: there are certain things you generally handle and another list of responsibilities that your spouse usually takes care of. However, there are times when one of you may not meet the expectations of the other. Perhaps one of you forgot or neglected an obligation. This is usually when conflicts arise.
The conflict stems from the fact that one person was expecting another to perform a task and the other did not follow through with meeting that expectation. What happens next? Generally, frustration surfaces, a complaint is made, or possibly even an argument ensues. Why? Because someone did not fulfill an obligation, spoken or unspoken.

Philippians 2:14 says to "do all things without complaining or disputing." How much strife, how much conflict, how many harsh words or hurt feelings can we eliminate in our marriage by doing simply that? If your wife didn't do the laundry or your husband didn't take out the trash, what would happen if you just did it without complaining or disputing? Let's find out! For today's challenge, apply Philippians 2:14 to your spouse and reap the benefits of maintaining peace and a loving, positive attitude in your marriage and your home.

Challenge #71

Today we're sharing Family Life's Marriage Memo:

Resurrected Lives and Resurrected Marriages by Dave Boehi I see so many letters and e-mails like this, and yet I never grow tired of them: "My wife and I have been having several struggles including her affair earlier this year," one husband wrote, "but I was the one pursuing her. She said she still wanted to be married to me after I forgave her, but she wasn't putting any effort into our relationship." His pastor encouraged them to attend a Weekend to Remember®, FamilyLife's three-day getaway for couples, so he signed up. But he was skeptical. "It seemed like a waste of time and money. How could God change her heart in a weekend?" During the first night of the conference there was no connection between them. "The next morning I prayed that God would open my heart and my wife's and allow His Word along with the instructors whom He had chosen for the delivery to give us something, anything to reconnect to put fire and excitement back into our marriage." And that afternoon His prayer was answered—God somehow cut through the hurt and the pain and the hardness and touched their hearts. "God gave me a new outlook and excitement for the future of our marriage, and He opened my wife's heart!" During a couple's project they wrote love letters to each other, and he was amazed to see what she wrote. "She hadn't told me she loved me in over four months! I saw a miraculous change in our marriage. We actually reconnected, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us … I cannot change the past and it will take a lot of time for my pain and my wife's pain to heal, but I know our future will be strengthened into oneness of heart with God as the lifeblood." As we celebrate Easter this week, I am struck by the fact that Jesus Christ died and was resurrected so that we could be reconciled to God and see a resurrection in our own lives as well. As 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 tells us, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ …" I've seen this resurrection in my own life—I'm not the same person that I was before I received Christ as my Lord and Savior. And I've seen this resurrection in the stories I read of married couples who have seen their marriages made new by the power of Christ. We often see these stories emerge from the Weekend to Remember marriage getaways. For many couples, this is the first time they've gotten away together in years, and the first time they've focused so long on God's design for their marriages. The results can be dramatic. Another husband wrote us recently to say that the Weekend to Remember saved his marriage: "My wife and I had been becoming more and more isolated over the last four years and we were at the end, with virtually no hope of saving our marriage or at least no hope of living happily together in the same household," he wrote. "Something told me that this conference was our last shot. On the way, my wife and I fought so terribly I didn't even think we would make it. … I remember the speaker said, ‘God loves your marriage and Satan hates it.' I believe that Satan was trying to keep us from even reaching the seminar. "To make a long story short, by lunch time on Saturday, my wife and I asked each other for forgiveness and have dedicated ourselves to seeking oneness with each other and to creating a Christian legacy in our three children … The transformation in my wife is unbelievable—God really spoke to her. I hope that my transformation is worthy of my wife." Over the next few days, consider that Christ was raised from the dead so that we might experience new life. I love the apostle Paul's words in Ephesians 1:18-19, where he prays that the eyes of our hearts would be enlightened, that we would know the hope of His calling, and experience the "surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe." The same power that raised Christ from the dead is available to us. It can make us new, and it can resurrect any relationship that seems hopeless.

Does your marriage need new life breathed into it? Attend a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway this spring. Please do consider attending a Weekend to Remember near you. No matter what stage your marriage is in, it can benefit from this event!

Challenge #70

What are your greatest desires in life? Is a successful marriage one of them? What does a successful marriage look like? It is not a marriage in which things always go your way, things are always great, or 100% free from conflict. If things are always going your way, it's unlikely that the needs of your spouse are being met. For things to always be great would imply perfection and we know that perfection is not possible. Lastly, there is nothing wrong with conflict - conflict can and will arise. It is how you deal with conflict that matters.

How do you and your spouse address conflict? Is there yelling and screaming? Hitting or throwing things? Ignoring, walking away, storming out? There should be no problem too great that you and your spouse can not come together and work through in love and patience. Often, we save our love and patience for the rest of the world: our kids, our extended family, friends, co-workers, etc. By the time something arises with our spouse, we are all out of love and patience.

Shouldn't your spouse get the very best of you? I have no shame in saying that I want first pick from my spouse, after God of course - always know that I mean after God. So after Him, I want the first of my spouse's love and affection. The first of my spouse's kindness and patience. We all want the very best from our spouse. But are we giving that? Are we giving our spouse the cream of the crop of us? Or does your spouse get the tired you? The cranky you? The all out of time you?

Today's challenge is to give your spouse the best you that you have after fellowship with God. Give God your best and give your spouse "next" best, not whatever is left over after giving everyone else your best all day.

Challenge #69

Here at The M Challenge, we spend a great deal of time and effort cultivating our most precious earthly relationship, our marriage. But what about the most precious relationship of all: our relationship with God? As we have previously mentioned, success in our marriage is directly correlated to the state of our salvation. But even more importantly than that is our future, our eternal lives. So what is the state of your salvation? Are you saved? Do you know what it means to be "saved?"

Here's a very good devotional from In Touch Ministries that briefly explains what it means to be saved. The audio can be found here: What does it mean to be saved?

"What makes a person acceptable to God? The path to redemption begins not with the decision to live a better life or to stop doing something wrong, but with the realization that we cannot correct our sinful nature. To find favor with the Lord, we must grasp that it's impossible to make ourselves righteous; instead, we need to depend on the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf. When we trust in Christ as our Savior, God the Father applies the benefit of Jesus' atoning sacrifice to our sin debt, thereby making us "saved," or acceptable in His eyes.

The Bridge By William C. Ressler
Jesus' death on the cross is the only bridge between God and man

Your good works and righteous acts are of absolutely no value in the mind of God. Compared to others' actions, your generosity and good works might seem like enough to bring favor with the Lord, but Jesus said, "Not as a result of works, so that no one may boast" (Eph. 2:9). When you stand before God, the only way you can be forgiven of your sins is through Jesus Christ and His sacrificial, substitutionary atoning death at Calvary. Jesus came to give His life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45).

Jesus' public crucifixion was a demonstration of God's hatred for sin and immense love for mankind. He who was blameless bore the penalty for all in order that wicked, corrupt people could be made righteous.

No matter what you've done, you can be cleansed of the stain left by sin. Confess any known transgressions and turn from them; then Jesus will forgive you and write your name in the Lamb's Book of Life (1 John 1:9; Rev. 21:27). By trusting in Him, you are assured of eternity in His presence."

If you have never trusted in Jesus, we implore you to do so today. Your life, your eternal life depends on it. Please contact us if you have any questions at all at themchallenge@gmail.com.

Challenge #68

It didn't take me long to discover that time is my greatest, most precious resource. I understand that whatever and whoever I devote my time to has my heart. This is why having my priorities straight is so important to me. I have been guilty of putting things: people, activities, etc. higher on the list than they belong and have suffered the consequences from doing so. However, there are two that will forever remain on top and they are not interchangeable: My God and my spouse. Before you're a spouse, you should first be a Christian. Before you're a parent, you should first be a spouse, and so on.

Children have their rightful place in life, but they should not be before your spouse or God. Not surprisingly, many, many people struggle with this. To them I say this: if you want to have trouble in your most important relationships, i.e. your relationship with God and your spouse, put your children first. So many people do this, it has become quite the norm when it should not be. As previously said, children grow up, move out, and move on. Therefore, making your children the center of your universe will have disasterous effects on your personal well-being. I'm not going to spend all day on this, just wanted to reiterate this important fact: your spouse should come before your children (but not before your God).

I'm sure if you thought about it long enough, you could come up with some examples in which your spouse did not come before other people. Today's challenge is to put your spouse's wants and needs before those of all other people. In whatever ways you have the chance to, whenever an opportunity presents itself, decide to put your spouse first.

Challenge #67

What season are you in? What season is your marriage in? We all go through seasons, it is inevitable. And not one of us can stop the seasons from changing. There are two important things I want us to touch on today. The first is the knowledge of seasons and the second is the preparation for seasons. If you don't recognize that there are seasons in life, it is unlikely that you will be prepared for when the seasons change.

What do the seasons of weather look like on earth? Well if you're in Texas, they look like pretty dramatic changes (versus California in which you have 1 1/2 seasons the entire year). In this illustration, consider your marriage to be like Texas. It would be a tragedy to venture outside in a turtleneck and heavy coat in July in the same way it would be to venture out in shorts and flip-flops in December. In both situations, we would be ill-prepared and surely not like the result. So we don't do this because we value our health and desire neither heat stroke nor hypothermia. It is our knowledge that the seasons will change that affords us the opportunity to be better prepared and respond appropriately.

The seasons of life are much like the seasons in Texas, (though they hopefully don't change nearly as often) and your marriage will go through these seasons as long as your persevere. Let me say that again. Your marriage will go through these seasons as long as you persevere. You have to get through the bad seasons to enjoy the good. Unfortunately for us, we can't predict which sesasons are coming next. A season of joy and excitement in welcoming a new baby could turn into a season of mourning and heartache in the loss of the child. We don't know what is coming in life, and sometimes it's a curveball.

But are you prepared? That is what matters: your preparation. Are you already relying on God? Has your marriage been built up in such a way that when harsh seasons come, you and your spouse are not driven apart, but pull closer together in love, unity, and support? If the metaphorical blizzard hit tomorrow, would you have adequate clothing to wear? You may not know when the harsh winter is coming, but it can and will come for everyone during life, so why not do what you can to prepare now?


Will your marriage make it through the seasons of life? It will if you trust in the Lord and build your marriage with God as the foundation! "...his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.  And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper." Pslam 1:2-3

 Today's challenge is to find a way to better prepare yourself and your marriage for the changing seasons of life. With that, I leave you with some of the most beautiful insightful words ever written.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
 ¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
 ²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
 ³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
 ⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
 ⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
 ⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
 ⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
 ⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Challenge #66

Whether you decided to cut back on expenses, start saving, or tithe regularly, being a steward in your finances is important. However, monetary resources is not the only area in which we should practice stewardship. We must also practice stewardship when it comes to how we use our talents and especially how we spend our time!

Have you heard the statistics relating divorce and church attendance? Check them out for yourself here. There is an extremely strong correlation between divorce and church attendance: as church attendance goes up, the likelihood of divorce comes way down. There are also statistics that report greater marital happiness in couples who worship together, pray together, and serve together. It is safe to say that being a “committed, faithful believer makes a measurable difference in marriage!"

Don't underestimate not only the power of God, but your need for God to be central in your marriage.

For today's challenge, do something to draw you and your spouse closer to God (and thus closer to eachother). Pray together, read your bible together, find a way to serve together, watch or listen to a sermon together, discuss God's word or His plans for your lives. These are some ideas of things you can do or you can come up with your own!

Challenge #65

What do you think the Bible means when it says "a prudent wife is from the Lord" in Proverbs 19:14?

In examining the verse, we see the words "house," "riches," and "inheritance," so it would be safe to infer that this is in reference to monetary amd/or financial matters. In defining the word "prudent," we discover a deeper meaning of this admirable characteristic of a godly, God-given wife.

PRUDENT: marked by wisdom, shrewd or clever and discerning in the management of practical affairs, circumspect or careful to consider all circumstances and possible consequences, provident or making provision for the future, frugal or reflecting economy or efficiency in the use of resources

There are many instances in the Bible that talk about being wise stewards of whatever resources and talents that have been bestowed upon us. Explore Matthew 25 then evaluate in what ways you and your spouse can become better stewards of your God-given gifts, resources, and talents.

Challenge #64

Tonight seems like a good night for a date, don't you think? Whether you go out or stay in, celebrate your bright future together because your future is bright as long as you persevere!

Challenge #63

Is there peace in your marriage and in your home? I sincerely hope so. All that talk about couples fighting against each other reminded me of two scriptures in particular: Matthew 12:25 and Ephesians 6:12. Take a moment to read both by clicking on the verse links. What stands out to you? Jesus says in Matthew that any house divided against itself cannot stand. Wouldn't that be true for your house as well? So if you are at war with your spouse, there is division and you are setting your house up to fall. Another way to say this is: you're setting your marriage up to fail. You must come together for your house to stand, for your marriage to be successful. Ephesians reminds us that there is a real enemy and it is not your spouse. It says that we battle against the devil, principalities, powers, rulers of darkness and spiritual wickedness. There is an enemy and it is not flesh and blood - your husband or wife. We see this same theme of being able to "stand," persevere, or succeed. And thankfully, we see the tools necessary to do so. There is nothing we can do without God's help because without Him we are nothing. If we truly desire a loving, peaceful marriage that flourishes, we must seek help from the Creator of marriage. There is no getting around it. We're lost without Him.

I've both heard and read this phrase and it holds true: the best thing you can do for your marriage is to become a passionate follower of Jesus Christ. Why? Because God designed marriage. Let Him teach you not only have to love your spouse, but how to put others first and love others with the godly love that He provides.

You must come out of the idea of "self." This was taken from Our Daily Bread:

A man once asked me, “What is your biggest problem?” I replied, “I see my biggest problem every day in the mirror.” I am referring to those “me first” desires that lurk in my heart.
In James 4:1 we read: “Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?” The words “desires for pleasure” refer to our self-serving desires. That’s why in James 1:14 we are told: “Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.” James warns that such “me first” desires will destroy our friendship with God (4:4) and cause divisions, wars, and fights (vv.1-2).
Therefore, we are told to put off “me first” thinking. How do we do this? First, “Submit to God” (4:7). We need to get our ranking right—God is God and His will must always be first. Second, “Draw near to God” (v.8). Deal with those desires that lead to sin by going to God for cleansing. Don’t be double-minded, desiring both evil and good. But rather desire to please God alone. Third, “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord” (v.10). Then “He will lift you up.”
Remember, “me first” living is not the key to success. Put God first.

I once was full of self, and proud
Just like a Pharisee,
Until one day, quite by surprise,
I caught a glimpse of me. —Hawthorne

When you forget yourself, you usually start doing something others will remember.

Forget yourself today. Do something that your spouse will remember.

Challenge #62

Sometimes marriage is hard! That's why we have to know where to find encouragement when it is needed. If we look to our spouse to be the source of our happiness, they will always fall short. We were all born with a God-shaped hole in our heart. We try to fill it with anything and everything else, but the reality is: only one thing fits and only one thing can fill it and that is the God who designed it.

Onto today's challenge you faithful husbands and wives!!!
You may have noticed this in your relationships with friends and family or even in your own marriage: a lot of people are unhappy. This discontent stems from the fact that two imperfect people stopped being single individuals and started building a life together. When two seperate individuals come together, there begins a constant push-pull over who is going to get their way or who is going to win or lose. You can choose to go on like this for as long as you are willing to stand it. But the truth of the matter is: no one has to lose. You can win together. Instead of fighting against eachother, you can choose to work together, be on the same team, and fight together.

I'm sure if you have been married any period longer than a few years, you have at some point in time or another felt that your spouse was more like the enemy than a team mate. We've all felt it. We've all been there and some of us are there now. If this is you, I encourage you to concede! Wave the white flag. Make peace in your marriage and promote unity in your relationship (as long as what you're conceding to is not sin). Most of us have heard the old addage "don't win the battle and lose the war." Well the battle is whatever small disagreement you may have with your spouse. The war is your marriage. Don't allow what may seem to be a big issue in the moment (but 10 years from now will not matter in the big scheme of things) jeapordize the strength and future of your marriage.

Do whatever you need to today to heal old wounds and wave the white flag. Your future may depend on it.

Challenge #61

I heard about a report that said on average it takes approximately 9 years to get out of selfishness and become one with your spouse. But most people generally get divorced well before then. Then if and when they choose to remarry, they repeat the worst years with someone else! Today I just want to encourage you all to hang in there. It does get better. Today's challenge is to consider some areas of your life in which you may be having a hard time with. Ask your spouse to help you by praying for you in these areas.

Challenge #60

We touched on this VERY briefly in Challenge #58 but we're going to go a little more in depth today. There were two clauses in Ephesians 5 that we highlighted (italicised) when we paraphrased them. They were "as unto the Lord" and "as Christ loved the church." These are two of the most important statements made about the husband wife relationship found in the entire Bible. These two statements illustrate what Biblical marriage is and we wanted to take the time to clarify what they mean today.

Let's start with wives (ladies first lol) because the Bible started with the wife - it addresses the wife first. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Just really quick - notice it says unto your own husbands. You don't submit to someone else's husband. I know this may seem like a no-brainer, but you would be surprised how many people believe that the wife of another should submit to another man's leadership, so I just wanted to be sure to point that out. Moving on!

"As unto the Lord." What does this mean? Does it mean that a wife should "give their husbands the same unquestioned, absolute submission they give Christ?" I don't think so! Some may disagree and believe that the Bible is in fact teaching wives absolute submission to husbands, but I'm going to take the whole Bible in context here and say NO. It does not mean that. We don't have to go very far to find examples that it is not teaching this. In verse 21 of the same chapter, we see "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Husbbands should be inthe fear of God, meaning they should be doing things in accordance to the will of God. Also, Acts 5:29 illustrates that there are times when we must obey God instead of man. So if a husband instructs a wife to do that which is not in the fear of God, specifically sin, a wife expected to submit to sin.

If it's not saying that wives are called into absolute submission, what is it saying? It is saying that a wife's submission to her husband is submission to the Lord. She submits to her husband as a way of submitting to God. Here is a phrase that spells it out clearly: "When the wife yields her will to that of her husband, she yields to the Lord - provided the husband's directions are "in the fear of God" or in line with God's will." [Therefore, a wife can not use the excuse of 'I was just submitting to my husband' when it comes to sin - this ensures that each person is accountable for his or her own actions.] So wives, submit to your husband as a way of submitting to the Lord, to the very God who commanded it. This should make a wife approach "submission" differently, with the knowledge that it is in service to God.

Now on to husbands. "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." Wow. That is a powerful phrase. There is so much in that one sentence, it's going to be hard to tackle it all, but we'll try! Love your wives. The love spoken of here is agape love. The words "even as" mean 'even to the same extent as' Christ loved the church. This is saying that husbands should demonstrate the same kind of self-sacrificing unconditional love that Christ did for us, His church. That is a bold statement. There should be the same "willing sacrificial giving on the husband's part for the benefit of his wife, without thought of return," "even as" or 'even to the point of' giving his life! How can we know that this is what it is saying? Because it specifically gives the example of how He "gave himself for it." What did Christ give? He gave His very life for the church. "So there is to be no sacrifice, not even the laying down of his life, that a husband should not be willing to make for his wife." That just blows me away!

So today's challenge is to 1. have a clear understanding of your God given role in your marriage and 2. come to an agreement with your spouse as to whose role is what and 3. define what this means in your home. A husband's responsibility to love and lead and a wife's responsibility to submit and follow look different in every marriage. That is why step three is so important. Good day all!

Challenge #59

Stability is important in a marriage. So is reliability. Can your spouse rely on you? Do you do what you say you will do? Are you a man or woman of your word? This is all a part of stability and most importantly trust. Your spouse needs to be able to trust you. They need to be able to believe what you say and have faith in you. There are few people worse than the unreliable. If you have been this type of spouse, the type that can't be counted on, trusted, or relied upon, this must be addressed today. Not tomorrow, today. Don't allow another day to go by without regaining the trust of your spouse. If you have lacked dependability in the past, correct this today. If you are unsure, ask your spouse. Have I been someone that you can depend on? Do you consider me to be reliable? Where, if anywhere, have I gained, maintained, or lost your trust? Have I established myself as a safe environment to gain your confidence? These are all good questions, but you can come up with ones that may be better suited to your marriage.

Challenge #58

Being married is really an opportunity to cultivate a relationship like no other on Earth. Who else can you love that is just like loving yourself? When Ephesians 5 says that husbands ought "to love their wives as their own bodies" and  "he that loveth his wife loveth himself" it is not kidding. These are true statements. Loving your spouse is loving yourself. When you nourish and cherish your wife as this piece of scripture commands, you are really nourishing and cherishing yourself through the marriage relationship - and this goes for wives too!

Countless times I have heard people ask the question about relationships and imply that relationships should be "50/50." That is not what the Bible teaches at all. The marriage relationship is to be 100/100. You give 100%, your spouse gives 100%. If both parties are giving their best effort, nothing is lacking - everything is in abundance. (Doesn't that sound great? Everything in abundance. Love in abundance!) If you're more concerned about where to draw the line at 50%, you're not giving your best. YOU ARE NOT GIVING YOUR BEST! There is no 50/50 in a marriage! In this type of marriage, someone will always be unhappy. Someone will always feel like they are "doing more" of the work. This doesn't happen when you're giving 100%. When you commit yourself to doing 100%, there are no questions asked, no lines drawn, no doing or giving more than he/she is. When you commit yourself to doing 100%, you have an understanding from the beginning - you've already made the decision - you're giving 100% regardless of what your spouse is giving.

Today's challenge is to commit yourself to giving 100%. I know this sounds difficult and I know the selfishness inside each and every one of us wants to say that you're not going to put more into your marriage than your husband or wife puts in - you don't want to be "used" - you don't want to be "taken advantage of." Don't be deceived. Marriages not only fall apart, but end completely with that type of mindset. Every wife is called to submit to and respect/reverance her husband as unto the lord. Every husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Husbands and wives, please understand that this means a sacrifice of self and an effort of 100% on both your parts regardless of the level of effort put forth by your spouse. You are accountable for your own actions, IN SPITE of what your spouse does or doesn't do. Do not let anyone or anything be your excuse for disobedience.

Challenge #57

"We never grow closer to God when we just live life; it takes deliberate pursuit and attentiveness."
I love this quote from "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Immediately when I read it, I thought to myself, if this is true about God who is perfect and loves us unconditionally, how much more so is it true about our spouse who is imperfect and growing in love? If we are to acheive oneness, it is only by the constant growing closer to our spouse. Wouldn't it be nice if once we said "I Do" we instantly became one? In theory, that would be great! But I think we all know that becoming one is a process and a goal that must constantly be worked towards. It is much easier to drift towards isolation, we are naturally inclined to be self-centered and selfish. But as we work towards denying ourselves and putting our spouse first, we see our marriage thrive. So the question and the challenge is: how can you deliberately pursue your spouse today? What can you do to avoid the natural drift towards isolation? How can you row against the current and move closer to your spouse? Think it, do it.

Challenge #56

It is so very easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. Many of us spend our days fullfilling obligations and commitments and my hope is that we can all put our spouse at the top of that list :-)

For today's challenge, do something to make your spouse feel special. Big or small, in word or gesture, let them know that they are special to you in some way today.

Challenge #55

Were you able to come up with something to sacrifice for your spouse yesterday? Whether it be something simple as time or money, or something more complex like a hobby or a relationship, these things matter. We should not only be willing to sacrifice for our spouse, but we should also be finding more ways to do so! Whatever you work for, sacrifice for, put your time, money, and effort into, is what you value. This is what you treasure; this is where your heart is. Shouldn't this be your spouse?

We have to be careful not to put more energy into other relationships above our relationship with our spouse. There is only one relationship that should come before your spouse and that is your relationship with God. All other relationships are secondary to your husband or wife. We also have to be careful not to put more effort into our hobbies or extracurricular activies than we put into our relationship with our spouse.

This may be surprising, but time management is very crucial to a marriage! If you are not dedicating and setting aside time for increasing the intimacy in your relationship with your spouse, you both are in danger of isolation. Today's challenge is to take a few minutes to look over your daily/weekly routine. Identify where the majority of your time is spent. If time with your spouse has not been a priority in your routine, seek and find periods of time in your day in which you can better include your spouse.