Challenge #48

Did your spouse express interest in attending one or both of the marriage conferences? I encourage you to make it happen! Whether you make your plans together or plan on your own as a surprise for your spouse, I strongly encourage you to attend one or both events. You absolutely will NOT regret it! That being said onto today's challenge.

"I have no way of knowing whether or not [you] married the wrong [person], but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you."
                                                                      -Zig Ziglar, Courtship After Marriage

What insightful words! Many people often wonder if they married the "wrong person," I doubt there is anyone out there who hasn't at least allowed the thought to cross their mind at one time or another. The point is to be the right person. Be a wife that is easy to love. Be a husband that is easy to respect and submit to. When you focus on serving and pleasing spouse - being the best husband or wife you can be to them - your marriage will grow leaps and bounds!

Today's challenge is to express to your spouse that they are "the right person" through both your words and your actions. If you remember to do these two things from today's challenge: be the right person for your spouse and treat your spouse like the right person for you, you will see your marriage flourish.

The Art of Marriage

This past weekend, we attended The Art of Marriage conference. If you haven't heard of this, you can learn about the event from the links at the bottom of the page.

All I can say is WOW. As many of you know from following our blog, we had attended Family Life's Weekend to Remember several years ago and really enjoyed it as well as learned a great deal. I did not know what to expect from this much smaller event that would not consist of live presentations, but pre-recorded video sessions. I must say I am genuinely impressed! Whether your marriage is in a state of wedded bliss or in need of a massive overhaul, you can get it here!!! Attending this event is highly recommended for all married couples, regardless of age or length in the marriage. I was blown away by what the coordinators were able to accomplish in such a short amount of time. The presentations and handbooks are so well organized and I'm not ashamed to say that our marriage received a very nice tuneup through attending this event!

We had already made plans to attend another Weekend to Remember this coming April before deciding to attend the Art of Marriage. I questioned whether or not there was any point to doing both, but since attending the Art of Marriage, I have only even more so been looking forward to attending the upcoming Weekend to Remember!

Today's challenge is to check into The Art of Marriage and/or Weekend to Remember in your local area (or away if you prefer, make a vacation out of it - we sure did on our first trip!) and discuss attending one or both of these events with your spouse.

Here are the links!
The Art of Marriage
http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.6149579/k.C7DF/The_Art_of_Marriagesup174sup.htm

The Weekend to Remember
http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.5846045/k.8C0A/Weekend_to_Remember__Marriage_Getaway.htm

Weekend Challenge #6

Create and enjoy "Engedi" together!

Challenge #46

Hello everyone! I thought this was posted earlier this morning, but I guess not!
So here it is; please watch the short video below:



Today's challenge is to find out what "Engedi" is to your spouse.

Song of Solomon 1:14
My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi.

Challenge #45

For today's challenge, spend some alone time with your spouse, at least 30 minutes to an hour, distraction free. Turn off ALL distractions, especially those smart phones. There are few things more rude than when you're talking to someone and they are engrossed in their cell phone. The world will not end if you don't check your phone for an hour. Whatever you want to do for this hour is game. Be together.

Challenge #44

Marriage, much like life, is a roller coaster. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, mountain tops and valleys. I must say that we are extremely blessed to have been residing on a pretty massive mountain top here lately. When things are going well - you're getting along, you're communicating, you're serving eachother, you're enjoying eachother - marriage, and life it seems, is all that it should be. Don't take these times for granted. Don't gloss over them, savor them. Thank God for them. Because before you know it, you and your spouse will reach another valley in which you will have to work hard - and work hard together - to reach that mountain top again. It's life. And it's inevitable. I don't say this to discourage any of you. I say this to encourage you. Enjoy those peak experiences. And remember them when times get hard because they will. Strive to grow closer to God and closer to your spouse daily - always. Don't be shocked when things happen, that's what life is about: going through trials and persevering. This is why we have been discussing marriage building the last few days. You want your marriage to stand the test of time through trials and heartache and anything else that will be thrown at you in this life - you want your marriage to endure. Recently our pastors have said this quite frequently: Strong marriages make strong families. And strong families make a strong church. Strengthen and nurture your marriage in all aspects possible.

Today's challenge is two-fold. Express to your spouse how grateful you are to be on this journey with them and assure them that there is no one that you would rather share your life with.

Challenge #43

Gooooood morning everyone!!!

Straight away into yesterday's follow up. Much like a house, marriage is something that you build with your spouse. You determine what type of foundation it is built upon, and what will be used to make it stand. Everything about it is determined by you and your spouse: the structure, what goes into it, and especially how much time and effort is dedicated to ensuring its strength and security. I've heard many times, in many ways that whatever you invest in: whatever you put your time, your money, your effort into - those are the things that are important to you. I encourage you all to invest in your marriages. Put your time, your money, your effort into your marriage. Put your determination in, put willingness in, put in sacrifice and selflessness. But most MOST MOST importantly, you have to have a solid foundation. Your marriage, like a house, has to be built on the rock, not on shaky ground or sinking sand.

Think of the great pyramids. How were they built so large and so high and why are they still around today? Because of their huge, massive foundations. Can we learn nothing from The Three Little Pigs? I think we can. So what is "the rock" that marriage must be built on? It is God. I've heard it said and it is true: the absolute best thing that you could ever do for your marriage is to become a devoted follower of Jesus. Why? Why is that? Because God has already shown us how to love. He has already demonstrated His love for us through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. To love unconditionally and self-sacrificially takes the Spirit of God. We are not able to do this without His help. We may feign it for a short time on our own, but there is no way that we could maintain such stamina for the long term without God. Learning to love God will teach you to love your spouse. It is His love within you that will love an imperfect person like your spouse.

"Jesus said it was to our advantage that he go to the Father, because he would send God's Holy Spirit (the "Helper" or "Comforter," the Third Person of the Trinity) to lead us, show us his ways, and to empower us to represent him to the world. (See John 14:26) As two people build a relationship with each other, it is essential that they both yield to the Holy Spirit and allow him to lead them in every facet of their marriage."

Today's challenge is to create a "blueprint" of what you want your marriage to look like. Include the aspects that are important to you and share this with your spouse. Ask if there is anything that they would like to change about/include in the blueprint or encourage them to create their own so you can come together and compare notes. What are the differences? What are the similarities? How can you work together to accomplish building the strong marriage that you both desire?

Matthew 7:24-27

 ²⁴Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
 ²⁵And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
 ²⁶And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
 ²⁷And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

Love as a Choice - The Real Story Behind "The Vow"

The Real Story Behind The Vow Is Better Than the Film
by Dave Boehi

My wife, Merry, and I saw the film, The Vow last week. In two recent Marriage Memo columns I wrote about a wife’s decision to divorce her husband after he had suffered a brain injury, and now a popular movie offers a similar story. 
In the film, a young married couple is involved in an automobile accident, and the wife, Paige (played by Rachel McAdams), loses five years of her memory. In her mind she’s a single law student in a close-knit family; she has no memory of how she became a sculptor, stopped communicating with her parents and sister, and then met and married Leo (Channing Tatum). The plot focuses on Paige’s attempts to rediscover herself and Leo’s efforts to keep their marriage intact.
It’s an interesting film, but it left me feeling it could have been much better. (Note to parents: It deserves its PG-13 rating for some language and sexuality.)  Descriptions of the movie led me to believe that the story was about a husband fighting heroically to save his marriage by dating his wife again and winning her back, but the plot fell short of that.
The movie ends with tantalizing postscript: some photos of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter, the real-life couple whose story inspired the film. And when I looked further into the Carpenter’s story, it seemed much better than the film.
The Carpenters had been married only 10 weeks when their accident occurred. Krickitt was in a coma for four months, and when she awoke she had lost all memory of the past two years, including her entire relationship with Kim.
“When I came round from the coma, I had no memory of this whirlwind romance,” said Krickitt in a recent article.   “My parents told me that I was married to this man, and they wouldn’t lie to me, so I knew that I must have loved him deeply. But I had no feelings for him at all, and as hard as I tried, I could not conjure up those feelings.”
Kim’s efforts to help Krickitt recover were hampered by her hostility and sudden mood swings—common aftereffects of brain damage. In their book, Kim wrote:

Unpredictable described our whole relationship. What was her real personality now and how much of it was getting to the surface? How well was she communicating what she thought and felt inside? Were we seeing the new real Krickitt?
Maybe she knew how to behave, knew how to act with me, how to control her anger, how to be affectionate and forgiving, but couldn’t put her knowledge into practice somehow because of her injury. Or maybe she had no idea about any of that. I didn’t know what Krickitt was like spiritually and emotionally anymore, and didn’t know whether her true self—whatever that was—was represented in her actions, or whether there was a disconnect between what she thought and what she did.

Despite their struggles, the Carpenters remained committed to their vows, and never seriously considered divorce. The film never mentions their Christian faith, which was central to their determination to make the marriage work. But the Carpenters have had many opportunities to make this clear in interviews connected with the movie’s release.
On the Today show, for example, Krickett said, “I chose to love him. I chose to love Kim based on obedience to God, not on feelings, because all my feelings were wiped out. … You have to stay committed. You have trials in your life, and you have to keep persevering.”
In another interview, Krickett said, “Slowly, over time, my love did grow for Kim deeply, but it was never a fluffy, gooey, falling-in-love feeling again. I know that is what everyone wants to hear, but that is not what happened the second time around. My heart didn’t skip beats; I didn’t feel swept off my feet. I would love to have felt that, but it isn’t the truth—I made a choice to love him.”
Naturally, that’s not what Hollywood wants to show in a romantic movie. But that’s the story I wish The Vow had told.

Challenge #42

I know you all have been given a lot to work on already with the Pastoral Insight that was recently posted. Do explore those things and put forth a major effort to accomplish them daily, not just today! In the meantime, today's challenge is simple: consider what foundation your marriage is currently built on and discuss this with your spouse. Inquire what foundation they believe your marriage is built upon and why, then share your own thoughts. What do you want your marriage to be built on and why? How can its foundation determine the quality of your marriage?

We'll talk tomorrow.

Another Write Up By Our Pastor

(Will be moved to the Pastoral Insight page)

I've never claimed to be a professional when it comes to relationships but 42 years of marriage can give a lot of information. Everybody knows that we need to spend quality time with our mate if we are going to have a good relationship. But we live in the twenty first-century where both spouses work outside the home and the day can really take it out of us. We're so tired when we finally get to bed that we rarely take the time to talk or nurture that special relationship that is ours alone.
Look at your schedule and see where some quiet time together can be stolen from the world. We can make time for the items that are important, if we have to. I f you had a child in the hospital, you would most certainly make the time to spend hours there.
Building a deeper bond can be created just by sharing time and talking about your day. Needless to say your spouse wants to hear about your day as long as you have been able to set apart time for it. To the contrary, when we love someone, we want to be part of their everything. A very important thing to understand that the love quotes that we all read ought to be an inspiration and not a judgment. We all want a love that lasts like we read about in the quotes about love. But that love is one which is acquired and not just handed to us.
It is great to use your time to just discuss and do activities you enjoy. Why not go for a car ride and speak of your day. My wife and I do this often and it really nourishes our relationship. Some couples play word games or trivia on the web, laughing and communicating with each other as they did when they were dating so long ago. Use your time well to find things that both of you enjoy and just have fun together.
Consider, even thirty minutes a day can be enough to overcome the stress of the day together. Pass on jokes and anything unusual that occurred. This may sound silly, but do not be afraid to create a list of thi together. Pass on jokes and anything unusual that occurred. This may sound silly, but do not be afraid to create a list of things that you want to speak about later on that night. You must train yourself to remember the important and even little things to talk about.
Plan when your next time together will be and what you are going to do. Just get out and live life. Make sure you spend time both in and out of the home together. Learn to mix things up so that your time together will always be interesting. It is important to keep things interesting.
Learn to speak positively of the great things about the place you work and not just always focusing on the things that give you stress. Your job has its good points so make sure to talk about it. By speaking about your day in all its aspect you will be able to build a bridge of communication that cannot be built in any other way. You need this time to talk to your spouse about all that has gone on.
Make time to pray and read your Bible. Include the Lord in all your activities and seek Him for guidance. Pray for your spouse that God will make them the person He wants them to be, not what you want them to be. Get involved together in your church and Sunday School. Spend time with mature Christian couples and learn from them how to nurture your relationship. All relationships have to be nurtured or else they will dwindle and die! God Bless!!

Weekend Challenge #5

Good morning all.
There are many different things you can do to spend quality time with your spouse. Think outside the box and try to spend some time connecting with your spouse daily. You would be surprised what a difference the short amount of time this takes will make in your marriage. As little as fifteen minutes catching up with each other can mean a great deal. But if you can also add more time to this in sharing an activity that you or your spouse enjoy, well, that can mean the world!

This weekend's challenge is for the heart. Puposefully spend some time in prayer for your wife/husband this weekend. Pray for their heart, their spirit, their joy and security. Pray for your marriage and your friendship. Pray for all the things that you don't know about that God knows. Earnestly pray for them this weekend.

Challenge #41

Good Morning! How was your walk? Did you love it? Was it cold? If so, I hope you kept each other warm! :-)

Today's challenge will also be in the realm of quality time.

The challenge is simple: Spend atleast 15 minutes reading with your spouse today.

If reading is something that your spouse does frequently, when you see them reading, ask them what they're reading and to share a little bit with you. If reading isn't something your spouse does regularly, then find something to read and ask them to come sit with you for a few minutes while you read it. It can be a book, an article, whatever you want. Don't work too hard on the opening. A simple "can I share this with you?" or "listen to this..." will do. Spend a few minutes, one reading, one listening, take turns if you want. When you're done, share your thoughts about what was read and ask your spouse about theirs.